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In a relationship, you’re constantly learning about your partner. What they like and dislike, what their buttons are, how to read them, how they handle stress, how they communicate, etc. You won’t know all these things before saying “I do,” but learning these things makes every day together far more exciting as you find out these little intricacies along the way.
That being said, it doesn’t hurt to have a few solid tips when it comes to your relationship. Whether you and your partner have just started dating, or if you’ve been together for a few months, or even married for several years, these 14 habits will help to not only strengthen your relationship, but also keep it healthy.
How to keep your relationship healthy
1. Never stop dating your partner. No matter how long you’ve been together (one month, two years, a decade) always try to put the same amount of effort (if not more) into dates as you did in the beginning. Think about when you first started dating this person. Everything was new, fresh, and exciting. You invested tremendous time and effort into planning out an evening together, deciding what to wear, what perfume/cologne you should spritz on, etc. Now that you’re committed to one another, is it any less important that you try to please and impress them?
2. Never violate the trust of your spouse. When it comes to trust and transparency, the fewer secrets, the better. Trust is the most powerful glue in every relationship, and though it can take years to build, it only takes a few seconds to break it. Being honest with your partner, being transparent when you talk to each other –even in the seemingly harmless, day-to-day-interactions—will go miles in ensuring your trust in one another. When trust is violated, it can take a long time to repair the damage.
3. Show common courtesy. Though this may seem like a no-brainer, it’s an easy practice to forget. Simple phrases like “please,” “thank you,” and “I’m sorry” all help to maintain healthy interactions. Putting a little effort into things like a phone call to say “I love you,” or leaving a note to let them know you went to grab groceries sustains mutual respect and thoughtfulness towards one another.
4. Tell them you love them several times daily. Though it can be easily assumed that you love the person you’re with, there is nothing like hearing someone say “I love you” to you to affirm not only that they love you, but also that you love them, too. Whether you leave them a note, make a call, send a text, or tell them verbally, make time to say those three important words several times a day.
5. Laugh at each other. By laugh at each other, I mean in a good-natured manner, and not in a condescending way. You don’t have to take each other too seriously all the time – where’s the fun in that? Let your guard down and poke fun at one another. Humor is the single most effective way to diffuse anger, to blow off steam, and to keep a positive perspective on life, even when it gets a little bumpy.
6. Do the things you love to do. While all relationships require a degree of dependence on each other, it’s important to maintain your own sense of independence. Make the time to do the things you love on your own. Hang out with your friends regularly, and go to your Zumba class with your workout buddy. Keep doing what you love to do.
7. Show your appreciation in at least one way daily. While verbalizing your appreciation for someone is important, it can mean that much more when you act on that appreciation. Whether it’s writing a card to let them know you care, making their favorite dinner, or surprising them with their favorite Starbucks latte one morning, take the time to let them know you thought of them.
8. Limit your social media use when it comes to your relationship. If you take a look at other couples on social media, you’ll quickly find trends that illuminate what the “perfect couple” looks like by today’s standards. It’s an easy habit to fall into to compare your relationship to others, especially the ones you see on Facebook or Instagram. That’s not what a real relationship looks like though, and it creates a false standard for couples today. Social media platforms have become the preferred choice of validating a person’s happiness when it comes to their relationships/personal life. However, research has found that couples that post less about their relationship on social media platforms are indeed happier. Happy, healthy couples do not need validation from others to know that they’re happy together, nor do they need to invest the time trying to create their image or brand as a couple on social media. So the next time you’re tempted to share a post about your relationship, think twice. Is it really worth it to delve into the details of your relationship with the world? Do you really need everyone’s approval or validation of what you’re doing or who you’re with?
9. Visit a new city (or country!) together. There’s something about sharing a new experience together that is both so completely immersive and eye opening. Being able to travel to a new place together, learning on the same level, and relying on other can bring you both closer together, and make you appreciate one another more.
10. Surprise each other. While honesty is always the best policy when it comes to a healthy relationship, it doesn’t hurt to plan a few surprises now and then. Finding ways to surprise your significant other can create the best memories. They’re also the perfect thought to bring to mind when things aren’t going as smoothly or you hit a rough patch with your partner. A positive thought or memory like this can quickly quell a negative one.
11. Set goals and hold each other accountable. One of the most rewarding things about being in a relationship is seeing your partner grow and reach the goals that they’ve set. What’s even more rewarding is helping them to reach those goals. Whether it’s trying to eat healthier, learning a new skill, earning that promotion, reaching a new personal record running a marathon, or learning how to be more patient, supporting your partner and helping them to reach those goals is critical in your growth as a couple.
12. Fight fairly. When it comes to fighting in a relationship, there are several negative tactics that we resort to when we’re angry. Contempt for the other, criticizing each other, getting defensive, or withdrawing from the other are all easy paths to take when our feelings are hurt, but it doesn’t have to be this way. Instead of resorting to one of these tactics, try to fight fairly. Focus on ‘I’ versus ‘You’ language, and look to see where you can take responsibility, too. Also, listen for areas in the argument where their goal overlaps with yours. Chances are, you both still fundamentally want the same things, and you can still find a way to that common ground.
13. Be a better listener. More often than not, fights and misunderstandings can be prevented if we merely listen to what the other is saying. When you spend so much time with another person, it becomes easy to tune them out because you assume that you know by now what their wants and needs are. Try to avoid making assumptions, and listen more to the underlying emotions being expressed than the actual content.
14. Frame your best memories. One way to measure the progress you’ve made as a couple is to memorialize momentous events in you lives. Reflect on how far you’ve come as a couple by framing your best, favorite memories.