In this post:
- How we set ourselves up for failure every New Year
- Cultivating a habit of happiness
Please note that this post contains affiliate links. For more information, see my disclosures here.
How we set ourselves up for failure every New Year
Starting the New Year is all about starting that chapter for ourselves with our New Year’s resolutions: new health hacks to try, new fitness routine, new foods or diets to get into, new places for us to travel to, new habits for us to make, old habits for us to break, you get the idea. In a way, the New Year is our next excuse for us to reinvent ourselves, to shed our previous skins, to step into that better, healthier, more glamorous version of ourselves, and to show it off to the world. It can be an exciting, stimulating, and inspiring time of the year.
Which means it can also be disappointing, disheartening, and discouraging when we fail to reach those goals, when we don’t make the progress we want quick enough, and when we don’t see the changes we desire.
A quick Google search, or a few minutes watching TV quickly illustrates what the New Year is supposedly about. It’s about us being slimmer, fitter, wealthier, prettier, more popular, worldlier, all with the emphasis on you as a happier, healthier person. While health and happiness are both worthy and important goals, the advertised paths to these goals are not necessarily guaranteed.
Sure, being slimmer may make us feel healthier. Earning a pay rise makes us more comfortable. Having more friends makes us feel more accepted. But the internal rewards do not last forever, and their effects on our own self-worth and acceptance are fleeting and short-lived. Worse, when we don’t see that number on the scale, when we get passed over for that promotion or pay rise, or when our diet gets derailed in a weak moment, we feel like a failure, and we’re disappointed in ourselves.
So how do we avoid setting ourselves up for disappointment, and how do we find true, lasting happiness for ourselves? In the words of Thomas Monson,
“You do not find a happy life, you make it.”
It is entirely within our capabilities to think ourselves to happiness. Research has shown time and again that those who think happy will be happy. While changing one’s attitude is not easily done overnight, embracing optimism, even in the toughest of times, is a practice that can be adapted with a bit of practice. To help you get started with cultivating this habit, here are a few tips.
Cultivating a habit of happiness
1. Note the progress you’ve made, however incremental. Ok, so maybe you didn’t accomplish the task you set out for today. But what did you learn? Where did you improve? Practicing self-confidence daily like this will help you to focus more on the positive areas of your progress, rather than the drawbacks.
2. Learn your way forward. Optimism enables us to believe that the future will always be better than the past. Every day we live, every experience we have makes us that much smarter, stronger, and more experienced to deal with the next day.
3. Surround yourself with optimistic people. A pessimistic attitude (or person!) will sap your time and energy. Just like pessimists are attracted to one another, so are optimists. Look for positive and motivated individuals to spend more of your time with, and you’ll quickly find that their happy habits will rub off on you.
4. Practice gratitude. I’m a huge fan of practicing this habit, and it’s still an area that I can grow more in. While it’s important to always keep pushing yourself and to keep reaching for those goals, it’s even more important to realize what we already have, otherwise a sense of dissatisfaction will taint our ambition. Focusing on what you’re grateful for, perhaps keeping a gratitude journal, will help to remind you that no matter what happens, you will always have something to be thankful for.
It also comes down to embracing yourself, flaws and all. When you struggle with fear, when you doubt your abilities, your biggest obstacle is yourself. The next time you place self-imposed roadblocks towards your goals, ask yourself, what makes you special? What do you have to offer to the world around you? What do you enjoy? Focus on the things you love about yourself and you’ll find they’re enough.
Most of all, happiness is a journey, not a one-stop destination. It’s about finding the joy in everyday life. Seeing an old friend for coffee. Getting together with family for the holidays. Sharing a laugh with your spouse. Finding something that you thought you had lost. It’s the deliberate choice to be happy, and choosing happiness over other emotions as they arise, moment-to-moment. As one of my favorite quotes sums up,
Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life.
