In this post:
- Life without social media
- What the research says about social media and its effects
- Examples of how social media negatively affects us
- The few downsides to not having social media
- The benefits of quitting social media
- How to take a break from social media (aka a social media detox)
Please note that this post contains affiliate links. For more information, see my disclosures here.
Life without social media
Once upon a time, it wasn’t weird to not be on social media simply because it didn’t exist. Nowadays, it seems that if you’re not on social media, you’re the weird, seemingly “asocial” person because well, why wouldn’t you be on social media if everyone else is? If everyone else is on it and you’re not, that makes you the outcast, right?
A few months ago, I was standing in line to grab coffee at my favorite coffee shop. It was a quiet day, and there were a couple young men standing in front of me, talking about the recent dates they’d been on. Though we were probably in the same age bracket (mid twenties or so), I felt so old listening to their conversation, having been married now for a couple years. Their conversation went something like this,
“Man, the date with this chick went so good. We got along, and we just clicked, you know?” To which the other responded,
“Ah man, that’s so great! I’m really happy for you. Are you going to see her again?”
“Well, that’s the thing. I tried to find her on Facebook and Instagram, and it’s like she doesn’t exist!”
“Whaaaa? That’s weird. Does she go by another name or something?”
“No, the really weird part is that when I texted her, she said she wasn’t on social media.” The friend raised his eyebrows,
“That’s crazy. Something doesn’t seem right about that.”
At this point, I was trying my hardest to not blurt out my thoughts and let them know how crazy they were for judging this poor gal about her choice to not be on social media.
Being on social media is definitely the norm nowadays, and if you’re not on it, you’re bound to come across some raised eyebrows and confusion.
I made the choice to permanently remove myself from personal social media accounts a couple years ago after I got married. Though at the time I told myself it would be a temporary social media “detox,” I ended up making it permanent because I loved the freedom it gave me.
What do I mean by freedom? Can you imagine being able to enjoy a special moment with your partner, or being on your first date with someone, or having Thanksgiving with your family, or seeing your new little niece or nephew for the first time, and not feel that pressing urge to share that moment with the entire world?
When I was on social media (specifically Facebook), I overused it. Every great moment of my life was blown up, documented, and shared with everyone I knew. And if it wasn’t that great of a moment, or even if it was just an average, everyday activity, I blew it out of proportion and made it seem like it was the very best moment of my life and shared it on social media.
I liked getting “likes” on my photos, I liked being complimented all the time, and I liked having others validate my life and the moments it was comprised of. I would even say that I was addicted to that feeling I felt when I reached a certain threshold of “likes.”
What the research says about social media and its effects
So what motivated me to quit social media in the first place? Well, it happened during one of my psychology courses.
I was listening to a guest lecturer talk about her extensive research on social media and how it affects the brain over time. I felt my jaw dropping as she went to say that you actually can get addicted to the effects of social media, and when you receive a “like” or other positive feedback from a post, your brain gets a shot of dopamine: a neurochemical that gives you a rush of happiness and contentment, much like the feeling you get after completing a strenuous, tough workout.
While this is a natural bodily reaction to feel and experience, becoming addicted to this sensation can mean that we are more likely to develop a reliance on social media to validate the moments of our lives, and to give us a sense of belonging through a reality that isn’t actually real life. It can also mean that we place greater emphasis on these moments that take place in this virtual reality, rather than the reality we actually live our lives in.
According to Forbes, using social media leads to a number of effects that are similar to other dependencies or addictions (e.g., alcohol).
Psychologically, people can experience symptoms of withdrawal when they’re not constantly connected to the Internet and/or social media. Additionally, there are definite physiological responses people experience from using social media.
Examples of how social media negatively affects us
- Using social media reduces our well-being, and can lead to more sadness. Research has continued to show that the more we use social media, the less happiness we experience. In one study, it was found that using Facebook led to reduced life satisfaction and less happiness in the everyday moments. Additionally, other studies have found that social media can lead to greater social isolation, which can have both negative mental and physical health effects.
- We compare ourselves with others more. The social isolation I mentioned earlier is in part due to the fact that we compare ourselves more to others when we utilize social media. We instinctively and constantly compare ourselves to others and what they have (and what we don’t have), making judgments about ourselves and them, and how we measure up against each other. This is an unhealthy trap to fall into, and can lead to symptoms of depression and anxiety.
- Social media fosters jealousy. Another sad reality of social media is that it can lead to damaged relationships through the green-eyed monster of jealousy. When you see other people enjoying their lavish vacations abroad, or when you see pictures of your friend in their new convertible car, or holding the newest Chanel bag, it’s easy to feel envy (especially if there are dozens of pictures of the same event). Social media provides the platform for a vicious cycle of competitiveness. We feel jealous of others’ new things and experiences, so we try to outdo them and post even better pictures to make others envious of us.
- We think that having more friends means we’re more social. The word “social” in social media may make us feel and think that we actually have improved social lives when we use social media, but the reverse is actually true. Research has shown that the brain can only handle a finite number of friends, meaning that no matter how many hundreds or thousands of “friends,” we have on social media, we’re not necessarily getting anything more or benefitting any more than we would from just a few friends.
The few downsides to not having social media
Of course, there are downsides to not having social media.
When I lived overseas and didn’t use any social media platforms, I felt even more distant from my family by not being able to see a stream of pictures in my newsfeed every day. I had to make every effort to connect with them and see how things were back home. And at times I felt like I was missing out on what was going on with my friends and family. But overall, I was still glad I did it.
So now that you know a little bit more about how social media negatively affects our health and our minds, what are some of the benefits of quitting social media? What are some reasons why you should quit social media? Here are some of the effects I’ve noticed since quitting.
The benefits of quitting social media
- Your social and interpersonal skills will improve. When we use social media, we resort to truncated, text-friendly language that we would normally use on our phones. Abbreviated words and lingo are what we use to communicate on social media. When we don’t use social media, our interpersonal skills will improve as we actually have to talk to one another to communicate. Humans are by nature very social creatures, and being on social media has somewhat quashed this innate skill of ours, so by quitting social media, you’re communicating the way we were intended to: to each other in person.
- Your relationships with others will improve. Social media has become the substitute of in-person meetings, so that we actually see our friends less when we utilize social media. When you don’t actually meet with your friends or family in person, your relationships suffer. Not having social media will motivate you to spend more time with them, and hence improve your relationships.
- You won’t feel as isolated. Humans are meant to spend time with one another, and social media has become an easy excuse to skip meeting up with other friends, and even family. Spending time with others in person gives us an internal, rewarding feeling that nothing else can replace, and lessens our feelings of isolation. So by quitting social media and saying goodbye to all your friends online, you’ll actually feel less lonely and more social.
- You’ll be able to enjoy more moments of your life. From my own experiences, I can definitely attest to the fact that I feel like I can actually enjoy my life more when I’m not attached to social media. You’ll feel free from having to document every moment of your life –good and bad—on social media, and you’ll be able to live more in the moment.
- You’ll have more time. It’s estimated that social media takes up at least 3 hours daily in the average person’s life. That’s a significant portion of your day! What could you do with an extra 3 hours every day? Read more books? Learn a new language? Spend time with your friends in person?
For those of you that have quit social media, I’m sure I’ve only scratched the surface in regards to the extensive number of health and psychological benefits of quitting social media. So if I’ve convinced you to at least consider taking a break from social media, here are the steps for a social media detox.
How to take a break from social media (aka a social media detox):
1. Let your closest friends on social media know of your plan. Once you decide to take a break or quit social media, send a quick message to your closest friends so they’ll know why you’re suddenly absent from social media. While you can also let them know in person or over the phone, I found it easier to not open it up for discussion with anyone so that I wouldn’t be convinced to not go through with it.
2. Deactivate your accounts. Pretty self-explanatory here, but be sure to deactivate all of them.
3. Once you’ve deactivated, plan something to look forward to with your friends or family ASAP. Once you’ve gone off social media, you’re going to feel a little isolated at first. What’s going on today? Did my friend get back together with their ex? Ugh, I won’t be able to see their vacation pictures to the Maldives! Schedule some time to meet up with your friends or family in person so that you won’t feel as isolated, and so that you can catch each other up on the latest news.
4. Plan other distractions for when you’re tempted to peek at one of your newsfeeds. Are you tempted to see what the latest gossip is today? Or what breaking news happened today? Plan out distractions for when you begin to feel like you need to check social media. Go to the gym, go on a walk, grab a coffee with a friend, plan a girls’ movie night, or try a new recipe one evening. Now that you’ve gotten at least three more hours of your day back by quitting social media, think about things you’ve always wanted to do, and do them!
5. Keep note of the progress you’re making. We all have reasons for why we wanted to quit social media in the first place. Were we spending too much time on it? Were we not studying enough? Or not getting enough work done during the day? Now that you’re not on it, note the areas where you’ve made progress. Have you finally finished that book? Are you actually spending more time with those that you love? Are you enjoying your everyday activities more? Note your progress, however incremental.
6. Give yourself a timeframe to reassess your decision. However long your break or social media detox is, choose a point in time to stop and reassess your decision. Maybe you wanted to take a break for two weeks, or a month. Once you’ve reached that point, you’ll know if this choice is one that you want to make permanent, or if you prefer to stick with social media.
