In this post:
- Where’s Mr. Right?
- Why dating sucks so much in this day and age
- How to find love
Please note that this post contains affiliate links. For more information, see my disclosures here.
Where’s Mr. Right?
Love is a battlefield, and there’s no denying it. For many of us, the many versions of “Mr. Right” we’ve dated have turned out to be Mr. Right Nows, leaving us wondering, “why is it so difficult to find love?”
You’ve done everything right. You’ve gone to school (or maybe you’re in school). You’re working a job to pay off your loans (and putting some aside in your savings). You’ve considered higher education to make you even more competitive in your field (or you may already have your higher degree and, if so, good job!). You have hobbies you enjoy. Maybe you’re into Crossfit. Maybe you love to travel. Maybe you’re amazing at archery. Or maybe you’re learning your 3rd language! Whatever you do, you’re an amazing, self-sufficient woman that is kicking a** at life.
And yet, we still find that there’s just something missing in our lives. And that something is a rich, rewarding relationship where we’re finally loved the way we deserved to be loved, and not getting played by a string of a**holes that takes us for granted.
I can so clearly remember the moment I decided that I was done dating. I had wasted 5 years on a guy in an on-again, off-again relationship where I always felt used and frustrated. And still, when he would send me flowers on the rare occasion, or finally say sorry for when he cheated or broke up with me so many times, he would have my heart again just like that. I convinced myself that because we were young, he would grow out of this phase. And when he did, we’d be the best couple out there.
Wrong. He never grew out of it. And when he moved back home overseas I finally realized that fate had done me the favor. Fate had taken care of something that I couldn’t seem to do on my own, and had ended the relationship for me. Although I came to this realization later on, it was immediately after things ended between us that I decided, “I’m done dating.”
If you have had this same sentiment before, I’m sorry. I know how it feels, and dating sucks. If it makes you feel better, you’re not the only one that feels this way about dating. A quick Google search reveals similar sentiments about dating. Why is dating so hard? Why is dating so complicated? I’m done dating! Why does dating suck so much? Turns out, dating is tough for everyone out there.
Why dating sucks so much in this day and age
Here are a few reasons why you may be feeling so depressed about dating in the 21st century.
- Online dating very rarely works out. While I’m not saying that online dating never works out, for the vast majority of us, online dating won’t work for finding us eternal love and happiness. Why? Research points to a number of reasons. People are quick to misadvertise and misrepresent who they really are online, which creates a false set of expectations for us, and trust issues, as well. Online dating has also been found to hurt our decision making abilities, meaning that we are less likely to make sound choices that are good for us.
- Dating apps hurt our self–esteem. Studies have also found that dating apps, specifically those like Tinder, lead to lowered self-esteem with continued use. When we put pictures online of ourselves, we’re setting ourselves up to be judged openly on our looks alone. It doesn’t matter how smart or good you are as a person; we’re lowering our worth and being judged by a single, one-dimensional facet of ourselves. Consequently, those who use dating apps have been found to be less satisfied with their looks, making it even harder to put ourselves out there in the dating world.
- Social media adds layers of complications. While social media can be great for keeping friends in touch, it can also cause a lot problems in relationships. For one, it can create immense trust issues between couples, and feelings of jealousy. Social media forces us to compare our lives to others’ lives, and often our relationships to other people’s relationships. This creates feelings of insecurity, resentment, and damaged relationships.
With all these factors influencing the dating world (which is already tough to begin with), it’s no wonder we feel so overwhelmed and depressed about dating. Although I have since gotten married recently, I still think of how many shi*ty dates I had, all the jerks I put up with, and how many times I had my heart broken.
How to find love
So how did I find love? Well, I decided to not think about dating anymore, and in a way I gave up on dating. I went after things that I wanted in life, and stopped looking for fulfillment from men. I went for a master’s degree. I went abroad. I changed my career path. And it wasn’t until I stopped looking for love that it found me.
So what’s my best advice? Stop comparing yourself to other people and where you think you should be, and be what you want to be in this life. Have you always wanted to travel to Greece? Go! Have you always wanted to move to another city? Start planning your move! Or have you been thinking about changing careers? Start applying to new jobs! Choose happiness, and love will find you there. Live your life serendipitously.
