In this post:
- The fear of rejection
- Our inherent need to be accepted by others
- How to speak up and express yourself
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Humans are social creatures by nature. And yet, we often hold ourselves back from self-expression, choosing instead to remain silent, to “blend in,” and to follow the crowd.
Does this mean we all have the same opinions? That what we have to say has already been said, and is thus unnecessary? Does it mean that our opinions and thoughts don’t matter as much as those who are more vocal about their opinions?
Absolutely not!
When we hold ourselves back from expressing what we think or believe, we suppress the very being of ourselves. In short, we give in to the fear of rejection.
The fear of rejection
The fear of rejection is a powerful, motivating force. It can be the difference between talking and remaining silent. It can mean choosing to do something to please others, rather than pleasing yourself or doing what you feel is right. It can mean ignoring your own needs and feelings, and putting others’ needs and feelings ahead of your own.
Our fears of rejection can be so strong that we choose to not follow our hearts or our minds, choosing instead to suppress our self-expression.
Fear is something that has been hardwired in each of us. Long ago, our ancestors survived merely because of fear, and that natural instinct is still deeply embedded into our brains.
Does that mean fear is always a bad thing?
Nope! Having fear can actually motivate us to work harder. It keeps us from making brash decisions, and prevents us from partaking in risky behaviors.
So when does fear morph into a fear of rejection?
Our inherent need to be accepted by others
The fear of rejection arises from a concern that that we will be rejected in our interactions with others. Does this mean that it’s always a legitimate fear, though?
Sometimes it is, and most of the time it isn’t. However, all of us have experienced rejection to at least some degree at some point in our lives, and we never quite forget that feeling. When we experience rejection, the same pathways in the brain are triggered as those of physical pain, which is why rejection hurts us so much.
Humans have a profound need to be accepted by others. Since ancient tribes long ago (and still those that exist today), being accepted by a group of people and staying in that group of people was and is an instinctual, core behavior that has long been specific to humans.
Humans cannot survive on their own, and we crave that social interaction and acceptance by others. We are hardwired to be cohesive and to “fit in” with each other, so much that we fear any form of self-expression that could be seen as going against the norm.
Consequently, we fear that speaking out and expressing ourselves will lead to rejection. So we instead choose to remain silent, speaking only as necessary, and even voicing “opinions” that don’t truly reflect what we believe.
So how do we truly find our voice and have the courage to speak up and say what we finally want to say? To truly express ourselves without the fear of rejection? Read on to find out how you can truly begin to express yourself, and finally say what you want to say.
How to speak up and express yourself
1. Listen to your inner dialogue. Our minds are constantly chattering to ourselves, but what are you really thinking? Listen to your inner voice, and allow yourself to feel and say what you really think.
2. Collect your thoughts. Particularly if the conversation is charged or controversial, take a moment to collect your thoughts. Take a few deep breaths to allow more oxygen to your brain so you can think clearer. You want to come across as thoughtful, opinionated, and calm, and not hasty or scatter-brained.
3. Use “I” language. When you use more “you” language in conversation, it can come across as accusatory. Use “I” language to express your point of view on the matter.
4. See your interactions as mere conversations. Often we build future conversations up in our minds to be something that is more of a fight where we have to defend our opinions and ourselves. However, most of the time your interactions with others will not be as belligerent as you think they will be. Have conversations with people and truly listen to what they’re saying. By understanding where they’re coming from, you’ll be better able to express yourself and make them understand where you’re coming from.
5. Embrace yourself and your opinions. You can’t help how you feel, so why fight it? Embrace your own opinions and stand firmly in what you believe. Not everyone may agree with you, but they’ll certainly respect you for standing strong in your beliefs.
Learning how to speak up for yourself is something that takes time and practice. However, it’s a valuable, empowering skill to know how to express yourself, and to truly own your opinions and beliefs.
