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Breakups come with a lot of leftover emotional baggage, and very rarely does a “clean break” happen.
Relationships often reveal the less pleasant side of others (and let’s face it, ourselves too). We invest ourselves emotionally in another person, exposing our greatest vulnerabilities, which makes breaking up with them, well, a little messy.
Actually, it makes breakups REALLY messy.
In the aftermath of the breakup, we often wonder whether the decision to split was as final as it originally sounded.
So how do you know if a breakup is really permanent? Or if it’s only a temporary split and worth fighting for?
Here are 8 telling signs that your breakup is forever, rather than temporary.
8 Signs that Your Breakup is Permanent
1. You feel better apart than you did together. While the breakup may still hurt, it doesn’t hurt as much as staying together with them did. When this is the case, the breakup isn’t meant to be a temporary phase, but instead permanent. Feeling better about yourself when you’re apart means that you’ve emotionally departed the relationship and you’re not as invested as you once were. It may be that you realized you didn’t “fit” well together, or that you grew apart, or perhaps recognized it wasn’t meant to work out long-term.
2. Your friends and family haven’t been the biggest fans of your ex. When your friends–and even family– haven’t supported or endorsed the relationship when you were together, there’s a good chance the breakup will end up being permanent. Your friends and family are your support network, and one that you’ll definitely lean on post-breakup. For better or for worse, the opinions and behaviors of your friends and family influence your own beliefs and behaviors. Meaning that if your friends and family haven’t been the biggest fans of your ex in the past, there’s a good chance that you won’t be getting back together with your ex in the future.
3. You’ve already moved onto someone else (or your ex has). When you or your ex are able to emotionally invest in a new, different relationship post-breakup, this is a definite sign that you or your ex are finished with the relationship. While there are exceptions to this, the ability to move on and move on quickly is a solid sign that it’s time to call it quits for good.
4. Your relationship was short-lived. While it is easy to fall hard for someone in a matter of weeks (or even days!), if you and your ex were only together for a short period of time, then it’s likely your breakup will be permanent. When you’ve spent less time with someone (e.g., a few weeks or a couple of months), your emotional investment is still far less than, say, a couple that has been together for two years. This makes the breakup easier on you and increases the likelihood of permanence.
5. There is a clear misalignment of fundamental values and life goals. While dissimilar fundamental values may not appear to matter much in the beginning of a relationship, they will become increasingly important as the relationship progresses. For a relationship to work out long-term, there has to be a clear alignment of fundamental values and life goals. For example, whether or not the two of you want to eventually start a family one day, or having differing fundamental religious beliefs may not seem all too important when you first meet someone, but over time, these differences will inevitably lead to a crossroads. If you break up with these differences still remaining status quo, then the breakup is most likely permanent.
6. One or both of you are emotionally “checked out.” Many couples worry that fighting “too much” is a problem in a relationship; however, it’s far more worrisome when there is absolutely no fighting in a relationship. This signals that at least one of the persons has emotionally checked out, and simply does not care enough to express emotion, even emotions like anger and frustration.
7. There is considerable physical distance. If there is considerable distance between you and your ex post-break up, there’s an increased likelihood for the breakup to remain permanent. With your ex not around to bump into or remind you of what once was, you’re less likely to go through a “relationship relapse,” in which you two get back together.
8. Irreversible damage has been done. If there has been significant stress in the past between you and your ex, this strongly indicates that your breakup is meant to last. If they cheated on you, or showed a clear lack of loyalty, or even made it clear that they dislike your friends or your family, such breaking points are hard to recuperate from. When irreparable damage such as this has been done, it’s difficult to visualize a future together, making it even harder to get back together with your ex.
