Please note that this post contains affiliate links. For more information, see my disclosures here.
Let’s face it: dating is stressful.
Not only do you have to find the perfect outfit that hits the right balance of sexy, confident, and yet not too forward, but to also have to put yourself out there and essentially give someone the go-ahead to judge you for exactly who you are – it can be downright terrifying!
Additionally, there’s the added pressure that we tend to put on ourselves when we date others.
We may try so hard to impress the other person that we act more like someone else than ourselves.
Or we may clam up and close ourselves off, and come across as distant, or even cold.
In this way, it can be all too easy to date in a way that’s inauthentic, and not true to who you really are.
It’s not that you’re a disingenuous dater; it’s just that dating can often feel like a high-pressure, high-stakes scenario where we’re tempted to be anyone else but ourselves.
After all, you never know how someone is going to respond when you show your more vulnerable side, and the last thing you want is to feel rejected.
However, learning how to date authentically can actually save you from a lot of unnecessary heartache.
How?
Because when you date authentically, you stay true to who you really are. You won’t feel like you’re trying so hard to impress the other person, and you’ll feel like you can actually be yourself, without having to compromise what you value most.
So if you’re looking for ways to up our dating game, while also remaining genuine, look no further than these 9 tips on how to date more authentically.
9 Ways to Date Authentically and Stay True to You
1. Be truthful about your intentions. If you’ve just come out of a heinous breakup and aren’t looking for anything too heavy or serious, say so. Conversely, if you’re not cool with casual relationships, let them know. Staying transparent will ensure that you’re not only being honest with whoever you’re dating, but also that you’re staying true to who you are.
2. Don’t conceal your emotions, even if you’re upset. Admit to it when you’re upset and be sincere about how you feel. The single word, “Fine” gives absolutely no information when used to explain your feelings. While it may be a little scary at first to open up, letting your guard down will actually make it easier for both of you to communicate more effectively.
3. Forget trying to be perfect. Humans always have and always will be an imperfect species, so why try to pursue something that is completely unattainable? Instead of trying so hard to be the perfect version of yourself, try to be the most authentic version. If you try to be something you’re not, not only will you be lying to whoever you’re with about yourself, but you’ll also be lying to yourself about who you really are.
4. Show your vulnerable side. Showing your softer side may be hard at first, but ultimately it will make whoever you’re with more likely to trust you, and vice versa. Why? Showing vulnerability is actually one of the most effective ways to build trust simply because you’re sharing something with them that you wouldn’t normally share with people. It demonstrates that you’re willing to let your guard down and be who you really are, and makes it easier for them to do the same. Plus, showing your softer side will let you know if this person is deserving of learning more about you, or if they’re too judgmental and should be passed over.
5. Accept yourself as you are. Showing others that you love and accept yourself for who you are demonstrates that you aren’t afraid to be the real you. And if other people don’t like what they see, well, it’s their loss to deal with.
6. Find a common ground. It’s all too easy to want to please your date, even if it means trying to act like you’re familiar with subjects that you aren’t actually familiar with. Rather than trying to blunder your way through a conversation that is completely foreign to you, try to find the common ground. It could be as simple as aligning on your shared love of sports, or travel.
7. Be selective about what you share. Be honest when you do talk about yourself, but be selective on which topics you choose to discuss. This way you can still have a little mystery about you, while also staying genuine and true to yourself.
8. Skip the white lies, no matter how insignificant they may seem. Telling a little white lie may seem harmless at first, but it can quickly get out of hand and become a far more complicated issue. Stick to the facts and what you know to be true.
9. Let go of your need for validation. While we all possess the inherent need to be accepted, trying to garner another’s approval for who you are and/or what you do makes it difficult to relax and be the real you. Plus, it’s a wasted effort trying to please someone by being different than who you really are (not to mention exhausting). If whoever you’re with can’t come to terms with the person you are and proves to be judgmental, don’t bother wasting your time on them. Someone out there that deserves the real you will appreciate you for exactly who you are.
