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You’ve probably heard before that communication, or lack thereof, is the #1 reason why relationships fail, and it’s definitely true to an extent.
So many people think that communication equates with making conversation, or even small talk, which is why when conflict arises, they’re unprepared (and often unsuccessful) when it comes to effective communication in a relationship.
Effective communication in a relationship requires a lot more than “checking-in” via text throughout the day, or asking how they’re doing from time to time.
It entails understanding where your partner is coming from, how they’re feeling, and letting them know you want to find a solution to whatever challenges they’re facing.
Related: 5 Tips to Nurture a Long-Lasting Relationship
If you’re trying to figure out how to fix your communication in a relationship, whether you’re in an established or new relationship, there are a few simple tips you can follow.
Learn how to communicate effectively in a relationship with these 6 techniques.
6 Techniques to Communicate Effectively in a Relationship
1. Find a neutral space where you’re both comfortable. Whether you live together or separately, it’s important that you first find a space where the environment is neutral so that both parties feel equally comfortable. It could be in a nearby park or at a coffee shop. This way both of you will feel equally open to talking.
2. Remove distractions. This may seem like a more basic tip, but it’s often one of the most overlooked when it comes to fueling a productive and effective conversation. Think about it. How often are your conversations interrupted by the announcement of a new text message or the ping of a new email? Turn off your phone and remove all other distractions. Communicating effectively in a relationship involves being attentive and listening, which you can’t do if you’re distracted.
3. Use more “I” than “You” language. It may be tempting to resort to “you” language when communicating in your relationship, but this will only overwhelm your partner and make them feel attacked. Take the pressure off your partner and use more “I” language. For example, instead of saying “Your behavior was wrong and offensive,” you might say, “I felt hurt by what happened, and I want to understand where you’re coming from.”
4. Take turns. While you may want to jump in during the conversation to explain something, or even to defend yourself, it’s important to let your partner speak and let them know you’re listening. Communication is a two-way street, so if you don’t let them talk, they’ll only feel like you hijacked the conversation and that you don’t really care about their feelings. As tempting as it may be to interrupt, don’t. Listen first.
5. Empathize with your partner’s perspective. Ineffective communication often arises when one of the two parties feels that their perspective and opinion doesn’t matter. However, when communication is effective in a relationship, both parties feel that they’re being listened to and understood. Try to understand where your partner is coming from, and put yourself in their shoes. A little empathy will go a long way, and your partner will likely respond positively if they see that.
6. Take a solution-centered approach. To communicate effectively in a romantic relationship, you need to take a solution-centered approach, rather than problem-centered. This means not harping on issues or complaints in the relationship when you communicate, but rather discussing opportunities for improvement and/or solutions to problems. Take this as an opportunity to reflect on not just where they can improve, but also where you can improve.
