In this post:
- When adults act like children
- 10 signs of emotional maturity in adults
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When adults act like children
When you meet someone for the first time, almost anyone can initially pass themselves off as an emotionally mature, capable adult. But as the relationship progresses, you’ll inevitably discover what their true level of emotional maturity is, and sometimes…it’s ain’t pretty.
When it comes to the age of someone, you’re probably most familiar with what is called the “physical age” of a person, which refers to a person’s actual age in years. Emotional age (also called psychological age), on the other hand, is measured by a person’s emotional tendencies. For instance, a normal, healthy adult will be able to control their anger and remain calm in a testing situation, whereas a toddler might cry, scream, and throw a massive tantrum. Thus, the emotional age differs considerably between that of an adult and a child.
But what happens when the emotional age of a person that you know doesn’t differ that much from a child’s? Or worse, what if you’re in a relationship with someone who, well, acts like a child?
Now everyone is given a pass for the occasional outburst or little tantrum. Sometimes life just gets the best of us and our patience runs thin.
But what about when someone constantly throws tantrums, or has the tendencies of a pathological liar, or is completely incapable of taking responsibility for their actions?
In my early twenties, I dated a hotheaded, emotionally immature guy for a couple months. What started out as an incredibly romantic fling ended in a royal mess. We got along wonderfully at the start, and went on several dates that left me even more infatuated with him.
But then things went south after about 5 dates. The more I got to know him, the more I started to notice that something seemed a little, well, off about him. He could be very charming and irresistible at one moment, and then all of a sudden he would get extremely worked up over the smallest thing, and quickly escalate his emotions. This is not uncommon for narcissists (you can read more about that here).
I can remember the first (and last) time where I went to visit him at his place. He was giving me a tour of his apartment, and was showing me the guest room. He had a beautiful, large wooden bureau with an attached mirror. I stepped closer to admire it, and saw something light pink peeking out of one of the drawers. Curious, I tugged at the fabric while he stood in the doorway, telling me about how long he had lived in the apartment. It was a pair of pink, lacy panties.
Stunned, I turned around. “I thought you were…single?” I was surprisingly calm given what I had just found in the drawer. He looked at what I was holding and something about his expression showed that he was hiding something. Something BIG. A moment of silence passed, and then he exploded.
Between the spit and the screaming, I could pick out the words, “ex-wife,” “still married,” and something to the effect of me “judging” him.
“Wait, you’re married?? Still married?” I asked, my voice sounding as shocked as I felt. This only triggered another tirade, though.
“OF COURSE I’M STILL MARRIED!! I TOLD you that!” I felt my eyes popping out of my head now. He had definitely not told me. I would have remembered that tiny, fairly significant detail.
Well, this relationship was a bust I realized, as he continued to scream about how I didn’t listen to him. I wasn’t about to get between him and his not yet ex-wife. As he continued to yell and accuse me of everything under the sun, I calmly grabbed my purse and headed for the door.
Boy, that experience made me wish I had paid more attention to the signs earlier on that alluded to his emotional immaturity. Now that I’m a little older and wiser, I’ve become a lot better on picking up on the little things that indicate just how emotionally mature (or immature) a person is.
Curious to know what those signs are? Read on to see what you should look for the next time you meet someone. It may save you from a lot of grief later on!
10 signs of emotional immaturity in adults
1. They play the blame game. When something goes wrong, they’re unable to take responsibility for their actions, no matter how obvious their mistake is. Everyone else is responsible for something that went wrong, and no amount of truth will convince them otherwise.
2. They’re emotionally unstable. If this person is quick to escalate their emotions, they’re emotionally immature. For example, they’re quick to cry, yell, scream, or pout, and incapable of controlling their emotions.
3. They lie. An emotionally mature adult isn’t afraid to tell the truth. A child, or someone with emotional immaturity, often resorts to lying to avoid either real or even perceived conflict.
4. They require a lot of attention. Children require attention for a number of reasons, but when a fully-grown adult needs to constantly be the center of attention, it speaks volumes of their emotional immaturity.
5. They name-call. When a person resorts to name-calling, they’re avoiding the actual root of the problem and are choosing instead to superficially attack the real issue.
6. They’re two-faced. Emotionally mature people typically know themselves well enough to know what they believe in, and have a fairly good sense of self. Emotionally immature individuals often have difficulty remaining true to themselves, which means they can be quite fluid in their interactions with others. They may lie or make up parts of their personality as they go along just to impress whoever they’re with, or to fit in with a group of people.
7. They’re insecure with themselves. People who are emotionally immature often struggle with insecurities. They may lie to cover up their shortcomings, and are uncomfortable in their own skin. They don’t know themselves truly well enough to know what they need, or even what their weaknesses or strengths are.
8. The grass is always greener elsewhere for them. Have you ever seen a child go after another child’s toy when they already had a perfectly good toy to begin with? An emotionally immature adult is very much the same way, and often covets what’s not theirs. They’re prone to constantly comparing themselves to others, and find it difficult to appreciate what they already have.
9. They’re materialistic. Being materialistic is another sign of an emotionally immature person. They believe that fulfillment can only be achieved through the accumulation of things that are symbolic of status. They’re unable to find personal fulfillment through reaching self-set goals, and instead seek satisfaction through more superficial means.
10. They’re incapable of taking criticism, no matter how constructive. Emotionally mature people are able to take criticism, especially when they know the criticism is well intentioned. An emotionally immature person, however, is unable to take any kind of criticism, no matter how constructive it is. They’ll resort to blaming others for their shortcomings, name-calling, and will say or do just about anything to deny the truth.
