7 Reasons Why Your Friend Has Been Ignoring You

Please note that this post contains affiliate links.  For more information, see my disclosures here.

Why is My Friend Ignoring Me?

The friendship you have with your best friend may be one of the most rewarding, comforting relationships you ever experience in your lifetime. More than likely, you’ve probably invested years in this relationship. You were the pal they always could talk to at any hour of the day. They were the person that always understood your quirky sense of humor. They were someone that you just automatically and instinctively clicked with.

Which is why it hurts so much when, one day, your best friend decides to start ignoring you for seemingly no reason.

When a friendship goes south like this, it can be just as heartbreaking as a break-up. You rack your brain over where you went wrong, and what you could have done differently. You look through your texts, wondering, “Did I say something hurtful?”

Holidays pass, and birthdays, too. Normally you wouldn’t hesitate to reach out to them, but this invisible wall between you both makes you question whether you should continue to keep trying, or if you should protect yourself and ignore them, too.

A couple of my friendships have followed similar patterns like this. But perhaps the most heartbreaking one was when it happened with my best friend, and I realized that someone else had replaced me in our friendship practically overnight.

My best friend and I had known each other for many years. No matter what happened in life, whether it was me moving overseas for several years, or her moving to another state, we always managed to stay in contact and find ways to get together. Our relationship was important to both of us, and we made every effort to keep it intact.

But then something happened. I was getting another degree and busy with school, and things started changing. She began to hang out more and more with other people, which I didn’t mind because she seemed so happy still. But then she became less responsive, and less available.

When I started my new job after graduation, she became even less responsive. Normally when either of us would start a new chapter like this, the other would be very supportive and check in to see how things were going. But I rarely heard from her, and her responses were clipped when I would try to reach out to her.

Then my birthday came and I received a simple, two-word text from her saying, “Happy birthday!” It was strange because we always sent cards and/or gifts to each other, and usually met up to celebrate. When her birthday rolled around a few months later, I sent her a card and a gift, but never heard back from her.

I was confused. Why was my best friend ignoring me for seemingly no reason? Convinced I was at fault in some way, I kept trying to connect with her. But as time went on and our interactions became more forced and awkward, it was clear that she didn’t want to hang out with me like she once did.

Months later, things became a lot clearer. A friend showed me what she had been up to on social media. Months and months showed pictures of her hanging out with her new “bestie.” They spent holidays, birthdays, and even took vacations together with their husbands, something that she and I had always talked about doing. There were long posts where she declared her gratitude and love for this new bestie, claiming that she didn’t know what she would ever do without them.

Not being a social media user, I was shocked to finally see the truth behind why she had been ignoring me. Everything finally made sense, but that didn’t mean it hurt any less.

Then my hurt turned to annoyance when I realized that after all these months of her ignoring me, my husband and I been receiving promotional materials for her business in the mail. So while she hadn’t been able to reach out to me with a simple text or call, she would, without fail, still send us her monthly newsletter in hopes we would give her our business one day.

At that point, it became a lot easier to move on when I realized what her true colors were.

When your friend decides to start ignoring you for an extended length of time, it’s pretty safe to assume that something has indeed changed. A lot of the time it won’t even be because you did something wrong. Rather, they just want nothing to do with you anymore for whatever weird, personal reason they have.

Will you ever really know all the exact reason(s) for why your best friend is ignoring you? Probably not. And if you try asking them why, it’s likely you’ll receive some generic, insincere response like, “Oh I’ve just been so busy with work, you know.”

If you’re still wondering why your friend has been ignoring you, and you’ve sincerely tried to get things back on track with them, there are a few possible reasons as to why they’re acting this way. Curious to know what they are? Read on to learn why your friend has been ignoring you, and if the relationship is still worth salvaging.

7 Reasons Why Your Best Friend Has Been Ignoring You

1. They’re done with you. If you’ve tried numerous times to reconnect with them, but they still continue to ignore you and your efforts, it’s likely they’re finished with the friendship. Unfortunately, they’re too cowardly to own up to their actions and be honest with you, and would rather take the easy route out by simply ignoring you.

2. They can’t be honest with you (or themselves). People will often resort to the avoidance method when they’re unable to be honest with you. They’ll avoid texting you back, meeting up with you, and answering your calls all because they can’t be truthful with you. It may also be that they don’t want to admit the truth to themselves, and thus are ignoring the entire issue.

3. You’ve been replaced. It could very well be that they’ve found another friend to replace you, and are ignoring you because they’re busy with this new friend. If this is the case, it’s likely that your friendship with them was doomed, anyways. Think about it. If you were so quick to be replaced by someone new, it’s pretty shallow that they were able to discard you and your years of friendship altogether. Trust me, you’re better off without someone like that in your life.

4. They feel guilty. Sometimes life can get pretty chaotic, and it may be that your friend really is terribly busy. Maybe their job is super demanding. Maybe they’re having personal challenges. It may be that time just slipped away from them during the chaos, and they feel guilty that they haven’t reached out to you in so long, which is what’s keeping them from still reaching out to you. If you suspect this is the case, try reaching out to them with both concern and empathy. They may need a pal to talk to.

5. They’re emotionally immature. When someone is emotionally immature, they’re unable to take responsibility for their actions, even when they know deep down that they did something wrong. They’ll play the blame game, deny the truth, and do just about anything to avoid acting like a mature adult. If you’ve tried to connect with your friend but you’ve been met with childish, immature responses, it’s likely they’re emotionally immature and that they’re using avoidance to deal with their problems.

Related: this is why being ignored hurts so much.

6. They’re threatened by you. While not always the case, sometimes friends, especially girlfriends, will resort to ignoring someone if they’re threatened and/or jealous of you. If this is the case, they’ve fallen prey to the deadly trap of comparing themselves to you (and others, most likely), and have decided that they don’t want to be around someone that makes them feel, well, inadequate. This is no fault of yours, and is merely a reflection of their own insecurities.

7. They can’t get over your differences. Sometimes friends grow apart simply because life is taking them in very different directions. It may be that your friend just can’t handle how different the two of you are, and doesn’t see the point in trying to keep up anymore.

While there are many possible reasons for why your friend has been ignoring you, it’s important to remember that no matter what you do, you’re not going to be able to change them.

If your friend has decided to ignore you and you’ve made honest attempts to try to reconnect with them, accept that it’s time to move on without them. Ignoring someone, or giving them the silent treatment, is a form of manipulation. Don’t play into their games. You deserve a better friend that genuinely likes and accepts you for who you are, and who won’t resort to childish behaviors because they’re too immature to own up to their actions.