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It isn’t easy to accept people, especially those who differ so much from ourselves. We may internally struggle to understand why they act as they do, making acceptance that much more difficult to achieve.
Often when we struggle to accept another person, we let our own opinions dominate, which only closes our eyes to understanding them and takes us one step further away from accepting them.
In moments like these, we forget that acceptance is absolutely critical to living a happier, healthier, and fuller life.
Think of all the times you’ve struggled to accept someone, and how you criticized or judged them in your mind, convincing yourself that they were wrong and you were right.
That’s a lot of unnecessary energy and effort expended, and time you could have otherwise spent doing something more positive, like actually getting to know the person and having a productive conversation.
Luckily, there are a few things you can do differently to alter your interactions with other people, and ultimately learn how to accept people for who they are.
So whether you’re struggling to accept your boss, your colleagues, your friend, or even certain things about your partner, here are 6 keys to accepting them as they are.
6 Keys to Accept Others As They Are
1. Re-evaluate your fears. One of the greatest barriers to acceptance is fear. Why? Fear is a self-crippling mechanism that holds us back from making the choices we need to make, even the ones we know that are best for us. For example, being afraid that your partner will judge you may prevent you from being completely honest with them. Thus you hold back and operate based solely on fear. Rather than letting this happen, step closer to your fears and re-examine them. Most fears are actually speculative and hold little to no validity.
2. Refrain from making assumptions. This is critical when it comes to learning how to accept people for who they are. Humans are a judgmental species, simply because it’s how we’re wired to survive. We make snap judgments about others and whether they’re friend or foe, and whether we can trust them or not. This means that we are likely to have very strong opinions about others, even when we don’t have all the evidence. Though it’s difficult, refrain from making assumptions about others. You don’t need to have an opinion about every little thing that happens; it’s completely within your control to decide to not assume everything about someone else. In fact, keeping an open mind like this is beneficial in that it keeps our eyes and minds receptive to new ideas and perspectives.
3. Find ways to blow off your steam. Much like fear, anger can also stand in the way of our ability to accept others. Furthermore, anger can also exacerbate situations that are already difficult, so it’s in your best interests to try to diffuse your anger as soon as possible. Being able to let go of any anger or resentment will make your interactions far less stressful with other people, and even productive. Whether it’s practicing deep breathing, breaking a sweat every day, or setting aside time for yoga, take a few minutes every day to cool down and collect your thoughts.
4. Look for what’s good. Although this may seem like an impossible feat, try to find the good in the other person. So much of the time we become enmeshed in all the things we don’t like about another person, whether it’s their short fuse, their aggressive nature, their insecurities, etc. While traits like these may seem overwhelming and practically impossible to get over, look for the good components, however small. Maybe they’re a fantastic parent and great with kids. Or maybe they’re exceptionally driven in their career. Maybe they’re extremely astute and know how to spot opportunity. Look for these good things, and don’t let their other qualities overshadow them.
5. Put yourself in their shoes. So much of the time we forget to show empathy towards others, which only hinders our ability to accept them as they are. Rather than jumping to conclusions about someone else, try putting yourself in their shoes. Do they act the way they do because they’re afraid? Insecure? Or are they a demanding person because they demand so much from their self? What struggles have they had? What struggles are they working through? Show empathy, and remember that no one-not even you- is perfect.
6. Remember that you’re the only person you can actually change. Learning to accept other people becomes a lot easier when you realize that you’ll never be able to change them. So no matter how much pressure you exert, or how much you try to influence them, a person is never going to change. Knowing this shouldn’t frustrate you; in fact, it should be a relief. Why would you want to keep fighting for something that simply cannot be? It’s exhausting and futile. Take comfort in the fact that the one person you can actually change is not your friend, or your parents, or your significant other, but you. You and you alone are capable of change. So rather than trying to pour all your energy into trying to make someone into someone else, look at yourself. How can you as a person change? Can you try to become more tolerant? More accepting? More easygoing? See what areas of improvement you have, and focus on what you can actually change.
