12 Reasons Why You’re Feeling Alone in a Relationship

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What Does it Mean When You Feel Alone in a Relationship?

One of the many perks of being in a relationship is that you’ll never have to feel alone again as long as you’re with this person, right?

Not so.

Feeling alone in a relationship is actually fairly common, and even normal to an extent.

There are often periods in a relationship where partners can feel isolated from another. For example, if one partner is away on a trip, the other is bound to feel lonely. Alternatively, say one of them has recently given birth and must devote all their time to the new baby, which means the other partner may feel lonely. Or perhaps one of them works nightshifts, meaning their partner must spend their nights alone.

These examples of feeling lonely in a relationship are normal and often unavoidable.

However, feeling persistent loneliness in a relationship is something that should be addressed.

Being in a constant state of feeling alone in a relationship doesn’t mean you and your partner are doomed; rather, it typically means that the two of you aren’t connecting in a meaningful way.

When it comes to feeling alone in a relationship, it’s all-encompassing. It can be physically, emotionally, and mentally isolating and, over time, it can lead to a lack of trust and intimacy.

This is why it’s so important to confront why you’re feeling lonely in your relationship sooner rather than later.

Keep reading to learn why you’re feeling lonely in your relationship.

12 Reasons Why You’re Feeling Alone in Your Relationship

You and your partner may live together, but your lives are separate. Do you feel as though your partner has their own life separate to yours? Sure, you may sleep and eat in the same dwelling, but if they have their own schedule and routine apart from yours, you’re going to experience feelings of isolation.
The emotional connection has been lost. A lost emotional connection usually translates to a lack of intimacy and vulnerability. And without intimacy or vulnerability, you’re likely to feel lonely or alone.
It feels like something (or someone) needs to change. Whether it’s your life situation, them, or even you, you feel like unless you push a drastic change with your life, you’ll never shake this lonely feeling. Feeling desperate like this is not a healthy place for your mind to be in, or your relationship.
You tend to compare your relationship to other relationships. Social media is likely to blame for falling into the comparison trap here. It’s all too easy to start believing that others’ relationships are better, healthier, or somehow more special than your own when there’s a constant highlight reel of couples on any given social media platform. This can lead to feelings of loneliness in a relationship where you constantly compare yourself and your relationship to what you see in other couples.
Your partner doesn’t seem to support your goals or passions. If your partner isn’t trying to support your dreams or your goals, or doesn’t express interest in what you’re passionate about, it’s easy to feel lonely. Without that support or interest from your partner, you’ll feel more like strangers than significant others, which can lead to feelings of loneliness.
You’re the only one trying to ‘make it work.’ Do you feel as though you’re doing all the work and the only one trying? Working at a relationship all on your own is a lonely task, especially when it feels like they don’t care enough to even try.
Your core values aren’t aligned. Perhaps your fundamental values have always differed, or maybe they’ve diverged only recently, but if your core values aren’t aligned, feelings of loneliness will surface. Having the same (or at least very similar) core values is essential for a relationship to be successful. But if they no longer match, there will be increasing emotional distance between the two of you.
Your relationship is facing obstacles. Does it feel as though your relationship is facing one obstacle after another? Or that things used to be so much easier? When you’re lonely or isolated in a relationship, any challenges that arise will feel increasingly insurmountable. This is because when you feel alone, you’re no longer operating as a team to overcome these challenges.
You can’t seem to close the gap between you two. Though you may have tried, you just can’t seem to close this growing gap between you. You feel emotionally and physically separate from them, and more and more lonely.
Your needs aren’t being met. We all have needs in a relationship that must be met. Whether it’s spending quality alone time with them, having deeper conversations, or making time for your family, etc., if your needs aren’t being met, you’re going to feel lonely.
You’re on different trajectories. You and your partner don’t need to be on the exact same path. In fact, it’s best if you both have your own distinct goals and dreams. However, if you find that your paths are separating more and more, and that what you want out of life differs drastically from theirs, you’re both bound to feel alone in the relationship.
You’re not meant to be with this person. This may be a harsh truth to come to terms with, but it could be that you’re simply not meant to be with this person. It could be that you’ve noticed more and more how you have differing fundamental beliefs, or that they’ve never been supportive of your goals or dreams. Whatever the reason, if you’ve been feeling alone for some time now and have tried to change things with little to no success, it may be time to move on.

What To Do When You’re Feeling Alone in a Relationship

Finding ways to meaningfully connect with your partner is the most effective way to reduce feelings of loneliness in a relationship. It could be as simple as having a weekly date night with them, having an honest conversation with them, or if you need a guide, enlisting the help of a couples therapist.

It’s also not a bad idea to try a social media detox so you can focus more completely on your relationship, and not others’ relationships. This will help to remove any potential distractions and allow the both of you to connect more completely.

Lastly, self-care. Now I realize self-care is a super buzzy concept these days, but it’s for good reason. Making time to take care of yourself, whether it’s regularly working out, getting a new haircut, getting a massage, etc., is integral to having a healthy, self-loving relationship with yourself. And when you have a healthy, self-loving relationship with yourself, it makes it possible to have a healthy, loving relationship with someone else.

For more tips on how to confront loneliness in a relationship, check out this article.