23 Fundamental Qualities of a Good Friend

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When you think of what a good friend really is, what comes to mind?

For me, I don’t immediately think of a laundry list of qualities or traits, but rather the friends I’ve had in the past, and what separates the not-so-great friends from the truly amazing friends I have.

We’ve all had friendships in the past (or maybe even in the present) that made us question if the friendship was really all that healthy.

For example, some friendships are one-sided in which you’re the one doing all the giving, and your friend is doing all the taking.

Alternatively, some friendships can even turn toxic where it’s more of a rivalry than an alliance, and you end up bringing out the worst in each other.

Who you spend most of your time with is who has the most influence on your sense of self and how happy you are. In fact, research has shown that your own happiness depends heavily on the happiness of the people you choose to surround yourself with.

This is why you should always be cognizant of the company you keep, especially those you’re closest to.

Keep reading to learn which qualities you should look for in a good friend.

23 Qualities of a Good Friend

They’re not just a ‘fair weather’ friend. One of the most important qualities of a good friend is that they’re not just they’re for you when it’s smooth sailing. When the going gets rough, they show up. They don’t care how difficult or challenging things might be, they they’re for you through thick and thin, in good times and in bad times.
They validate your thoughts, opinions, and feelings. There’s no worse feeling than feeling like your thoughts or feelings don’t matter. When it comes to a good friend though, they always validate your thoughts and feelings, and make you feel heard and understood. They never dismiss how you’re feeling because they know your feelings are valid.
It’s easy to be vulnerable with them. Among all the traits of a good friend, being able to be vulnerable with them is an absolute must. When you can show vulnerability to a good friend, you know they’re not there to judge you. In fact, being vulnerable with them only further strengthens the friendship.
Even your biggest secrets are safe with them. Another quality of a true friend is that you can trust them with all of your secrets. They’re willing to listen, and they’re not going to break your trust by telling others whatever secrets you’ve told them.
They never stand you up. There are many characteristics of a good friend, but one of the most vital ones is that they value your time, and they would never dream of standing you up. They know your time is valuable, and they respect the time you make to see them. Standing you up is never an option.
They’re fiercely loyal. Loyalty is paramount when it comes to qualities of a good friend. A good friend that’s loyal will never speak poorly about you to others, and they’ll always listen to your side of the story. And if others talk badly about you, they’re quick to shut them down.
Spending time with them somehow always makes your day better. No matter how awful or amazing your day has been, spending time with them always makes your day better.
They inspire you. There’s nothing more uplifting than being around a good friend who inspires you to be an even better person. Maybe it’s how they’re so dedicated to their job and career, or that they’re passionate about learning, or how they always see things through an optimistic lens. Whatever the case, being around this good friend always inspires you.
They want to understand you. It’s not enough to just blindly accept whatever you say. A good friend wants to understand you and why you feel the way you do. They’re curious, and they’re not afraid to ask, “Why is that?”
They’re reliable. One of the best qualities of a good friend is that they’re reliable. They show up when they say they will, and they don’t back out last minute. Going silent when it comes to texting, or ‘ghosting,’ is unthinkable for them, too.
They value honesty. Even if it means hearing something you don’t want to hear, a good friend will always be honest with you. Whether you’re dating someone that doesn’t respect you, or if you’ve got kale in between your teeth, they’re going to tell you.
They’re great at laughing at themselves (and great at helping you to laugh at yourself, too). A sense of humor is a must in a healthy friendship, especially since we’re all prone to taking ourselves too seriously at times. A good friend knows that it’s good to laugh, whether it’s at themselves, the situation, or even you (in a loving way).
They want to see you grow, too. Though not always the most readily visible trait of a good friend, it should be mentioned nonetheless. A good friend wants to see you grow, and will always support whatever steps you take towards that. Whether it’s helping you study for an exam, distracting you from thinking about your ex, or showing up for your awards ceremony, they sincerely care about seeing you grown and succeed.
They always greet you with a hug. Forget handshakes or a simple, “Hi!” A good friend always goes in for a hug because you both feel so comfortable with each other.
They express genuine happiness for you when there’s good news. A good friend would never be jealous or resentful of you when there’s good news to be shared. When you have news worth celebrating, they’re one of the first ones to congratulate you.
Conversation with them always gets deep. With you and your good friend, the conversation is never superficial and almost immediately dives deep. It’s easy to talk about what really matters with them, and you never have time to discuss trivial things, like the weather.
They don’t hold deep-seated grudges against you. A good friend is someone that would never think of holding a grudge against you. If they ever did have an issue with you, they’d confront the subject head on and bring it to your attention, rather than letting it simmer in the background.
They’ve stood the test of time. It’s one thing for a new friend to show you that they’re reliable for the one or two coffee dates you’ve had together, but it’s another if they’ve stood the test of time and been there for you for months or years. Consistently showing up for you over time–no matter how challenging things may be–is one of the most important qualities of a good friend.
They’re forgiving. None of us are perfect, and a good friend knows that. They know that mistakes are bound to happen, and that forgiveness is key to moving forward.
They’re open-minded, but also protective of you. A good friend knows how to balance open-mindedness with protectiveness. For example, they’re open-minded when it comes to meeting your newest boyfriend, but they’re also protective of you and making sure they’re treating you well.
You never have to hold back any parts of your personality with them. One of the best qualities of a good friend is that you never have to suppress any part of your personality when you’re around them. They know your all your adorable quirks and habits, and they love you regardless.
Elaborate plans are never necessary—they just want to see you. With some friends and acquaintances, location is key. A new bar where you can both try out new drinks, or an afternoon at the aquarium to keep conversation moving may be necessary to avoid awkward pauses and too-long silences. But with a good friend, location never matters. At the park, at your home, at the dog park, or just sitting in your car—it’s all about seeing each other.
They never just take. They give, too. We’ve all had that one friend in the past that was a chronic taker. They would take all your time without making time for you. They would take your advice without ever lending an ear to your own problems. They would expect the world from you, but then give nothing in return. With a good friend though, they know how to reciprocate. They’re there for you during your awful break-up because they remember how you were for them during their break-up. They stand up for you because you would do the same for them. The efforts on both sides are reciprocated.