18 Signs of a Fake Friend + What to Do About It

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What is the Meaning of a Fake Friend?

Have you ever had that gnawing feeling about a supposed friend that they didn’t have your best interests at heart?

Perhaps it’s a sense of underlying competitiveness you often feel with them, or maybe it’s the fact that they expect everything from you, but never give anything in return.

A fake friend is someone who may seem like a friend on the surface, but in reality they don’t have your best interests at heart. Their behaviors are inauthentic and typically revolve around them trying to extract the most benefit from a friendship (or any relationship), while giving little to nothing in return.

Over the years, I have unfortunately experienced several friendships like this, but as time has gone on, I’ve gotten better at identifying them early on in the relationship.

It’s a one-sided relationship and, if left unchecked, can leave you feeling exhausted and used.

If you’re wondering whether you’re dealing with a fake friend, here are 18 signs to look for.

18 Signs of a Fake Friend

They’re quick to judge others, but never themselves. Ever notice how it’s the fakest of people that are the most judgmental? A fake friend is forever scrutinizing others and passing judgments (including judgements about you). However, they never look at themselves in the mirror and wonder what they could change or improve about themselves.
In good times and…in good times only. Ever notice how this friend is only around when it’s smooth sailing? A fake friend is only a fair weather friend, meaning they’re quick to leave when the going gets rough.
They see no problem with lying to others. A fake friend is as fake as the words that come out of their mouth. They may lie about their achievements, their grades, or their material possessions—all to make themselves look better to others.
They’re great at making you feel understood, but also great at using that information against you. A fake friend thrives on gossip and drama. They know exactly how to extract your innermost thoughts and feelings and make you feel heard and understood, but then they turn around and use that knowledge against you in some way. They may seem like they care about your feelings or whatever is on your mind, but trust me, they’re only using that knowledge to further whatever agenda they have.
They know how to isolate you. As I mentioned earlier, a fake friend is skilled when it comes to extracting information from you. However, they’re even more skilled at using this knowledge to isolate you in some way from others. When you trust a fake friend and hand over valuable information about yourself, they can then use that information to turn others against you.
They require your attention at all times. A fake friend is also a needy friend. This should come as no surprise, as someone who is fake typically thrives on drama, as well as being the center of attention.
There’s an underlying sense of competitiveness with them. You may not be able to put your finger on it, but there’s just this underlying sense of competition that you always feel around them. A fake friend often tries to compete with others in regards to looks, grades, success, or other accomplishments. This is so they can attain validation for themselves, and maybe even rationalize their not-so-great behaviors.
They suck the good energy out of the room (and out of you). Fake friends are notorious for all the ways in which they emotionally exhaust others. With their consistently negative attitudes and the way in which they constantly criticize others (including you), it’s exhausting and can leave you feeling sapped of all energy.
You only hear from them when they need something from you. Have you ever noticed that this friend only contacts you when they need something from you? A fake friend is self-centered and also self-serving. This means that they will only reach out when they need something from you, not because they genuinely care about you.
The peer pressure is real. One key sign of a fake friend is that they try to change others around them to reflect themselves. This helps them to rationalize their own less-than-desirable behaviors and choices, and makes them feel better about themselves. They do this by simply peer-pressuring others to do or say things they normally wouldn’t do, like judging someone harshly, or being outright rude to someone they don’t like.
They make you question your self-worth. A fake friend can not only be critical, but also demeaning. They may make comments about your appearance, or they may criticize your choices. They may even be less overt and more subtle about it, a sly comment here, or a disapproving facial expression there. However they show it, over time, it grinds away at your self-worth and makes you question yourself.
They never show true happiness for anyone. A fake friend is usually incapable of expressing joy or happiness for others. Remember how I mentioned fake friends love being the center of attention? Anything that deflects away from them is only another reason to be envious.
Sabotage is a way of life for them. Have you ever thought to yourself how you didn’t want to get on the bad side of this friend? A fake friend often tries to sabotage others. This can be done directly to someone, but most likely behind someone else’s back. Be careful–they’re likely doing the same to you.
They’re envious of others (and you). A fake friend is constantly coveting what others have, whether it’s money, a dream job, a partner, looks, etc. This is because they’re so dissatisfied with their own life and, hey, isn’t the grass always greener?
Telling them “no” never goes well. If you feel like you can never say no to this friend out of fear of their reaction, this is a sign you may be dealing with a fake friend. Having boundaries is healthy and essential to any relationship, but if you feel like you can never say no, it creates an unhealthy dynamic where you feel like you have no say in any matter.
They’re the worst grudge holders. ‘Forgive and forget’ is something a fake friend will never be able to do. In fact, never forgive and never forget is probably a more suitable motto for a fake friend.
They’re a master manipulator. Whether it’s guilt or emotional blackmail, a fake friend is typically a master manipulator. No low is too low for them to stoop to when it comes to them manipulating others. They may try to guilt someone into doing something for them, or use emotional blackmail to get their way.
The friendship is based on what they stand to gain from you. Fake friendships are often conditional, meaning they last as long as the fake friend has something to gain from you. Whether it’s money, your support, status, your social network, or other material gains, a fake friend will only stick around long enough to glean whatever benefits they can from the friendship before moving on to someone else.

How to Deal with a Fake Friend

Dealing with a fake friend isn’t easy, as it requires honesty and authenticity—qualities that a fake friend usually doesn’t have. However, if you wish to try and salvage the friendship, there are a few steps you can take.

Confront them. While not an easy feat, it’s a necessary step to take with a fake friend. Tell them exactly what’s bothering you in regards to their behavior. They may deny everything, or become extremely defensive, or they may shock you and listen to what you have to say.
Be honest about your needs. Tell your friend exactly what you need from them: honesty, transparency, reliability, etc. Give them the opportunity to make things right.
Make your boundaries clear. Until your friend is willing to make changes and reciprocate, don’t bother lending help (or anything for that matter) until you see them trying.
Lean on your supportive relationships. Think of other healthier relationships you have in your life. Other friends or family members are exactly the kind of people you need to talk about this with. With a fake friend, it’s unlikely that your feelings were ever validated by them. Take time to talk about how you’re feeling with those you trust most.
Step away from the fake friendship. If you’ve tried talking to them but haven’t seen any attempts to change or improve the relationship, it’s time to limit contact. Know that it’s essential for you to prioritize your own mental health and happiness, and that means removing people from your life that don’t respect or support you.

For more tips on fake friendships, check out this article.