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What Does it Mean to Outgrow Your Friends?
Outgrowing your friends in various chapters of your life is inevitable.
What may start out as a little distance between you and a friend may seem like nothing at first, but over time, it may feel like it’s harder and harder to reach out to them, or that you simply have nothing in common with them anymore.
Outgrowing your friends means you’ve moved and grown away from the friendships, and that life is taking you in a different direction with different friendships. In a way, you’re not just shedding the older friendships in your life, you’re also shedding the older version of yourself.
While older friendships can be some of the most rewarding relationships you’ll ever have in your lifetime, not every old friendship is meant to last. To move forward and evolve means to continually make new connections and friendships, and to maintain those new friendships, it’s necessary to grow with those new friends who share similar goals and beliefs.
Is it Normal to Outgrow Friends?
It may feel like you’ve done something wrong, or that you’re somehow responsible for this growing distance between you and your friend, but in reality it’s absolutely normal to outgrow friends.
For those of us that wish to continually improve and better ourselves, outgrowing friendships is a necessary part of life. For example, say a friend you’ve had for some time has often endorsed some not-so-great behaviors of yours, like cutting class, or lying. As you’ve grown and evolved though, perhaps you’ve changed and removed those behaviors from your life. Over time, you may see this friendship as something that’s holding you back, especially if they encourage you to make less-than-ideal choices.
In this way, outgrowing your friends can be beneficial to your growth and reaching your full potential. However, the signs that you’re outgrowing your friends aren’t always obvious. Keep reading to learn if you’re outgrowing your friends.
15 Signs You’re Outgrowing Your Friends
- Nostalgia is the glue of your friendship. If it feels like the only thing connecting you two anymore is nostalgia for the past, this is a sign you’re outgrowing a friend. While having a shared past can make a friendship incredibly rewarding, if it’s the only thing you two share in the present, then a future with this friend is unlikely.
- Your shared interests are limited to the past. Another sign you’re outgrowing your friends is when commonalities no longer exist. Sure, once upon a time you may have liked the same music, the same hobbies, the same professions, attended the same school, or had the same goals, etc. However, if none of these similarities exist anymore, more than likely you’ve outgrown the friendship.
- You revert to old behaviors when you’re with them. Our past selves often resurface when we’re around people that remind us of the past. This isn’t a bad thing. In fact, it’s quite normal. However, if you find yourself reverting to old behaviors that you’ve since put behind you, or behaviors you no longer wish to engage in, this is a telltale sign that you’re outgrowing your friend.
- You feel exhausted after seeing them. When you’re outgrowing your friends, it’s not uncommon to feel exhausted around them. Why does this happen? Pretending to be an older version of yourself is draining, and if you find yourself doing that more and more around your friends, it’s likely you’ve outgrown them.
- There’s a lack of effort on one or both sides. Has the friendship felt imbalanced for some time now? Does it feel like one of you is putting in considerably more effort? When you’re outgrowing your friends, you’ll start to notice that things feel out of balance and no longer reciprocal.
- You don’t feel like you’re growing together. At some point along the way in your friendship, you stopped facing challenges together and stopped growing. Maybe they started consulting you less about problems in their life, or vice versa. When you’ve outgrown you’re friends, the relationship is, in a way, dormant.
- You can’t envision a future that includes them. Sure, remembering the past with this friend comes easily, but envisioning a future that includes them is difficult, or maybe even impossible.
- You both want entirely different things out of life. Though you may have aligned before on your life goals or fundamental values, somewhere along the way, things changed and you no longer share those same values. This is a common sentiment when you’ve outgrown a friendship.
- Conversation often feels forced. Once upon a time, the conversation was smooth and effortless. Now, it always feels forced and uncomfortable. Even sending them a text feels laborious.
- You refrain from being your true self around them. Holding back from who you truly are shows that you can’t be as vulnerable as you once were them.
- You can’t (or don’t want to) involve yourself in their life. Maybe you once loved being involved in their life, but not anymore. It may feel like excessive effort to involve yourself, or maybe you feel like it’s not a good investment of your time anymore.
- You’ve grown, but they haven’t. Does it feel like you’ve grown and evolved, but they haven’t? Or maybe it feels like they’re stuck in the past, and you’ve moved on? Feeling this way often signals you’re outgrowing your friends.
- You feel guilty when sharing your accomplishments with them. Are you often embarrassed or guilty to share good news with them when it comes to your personal life, or even your work? Feeling this way with your friend means you feel like you can’t relate to them anymore, and they won’t understand how important these accomplishments are to you.
- You’re not on the same page (and you haven’t been for a while). Does it feel like you and your friend simply don’t align anymore on most topics? Increasingly diverging opinions on topics that matter to you are another sign of outgrowing your friends.
- Their opinion of you really doesn’t matter anymore. Their opinion of you may have been important to you in the past, but it hasn’t mattered to you for some time now. You no longer feel the need to consult with them about significant matters or challenges in your life, nor do you seek out their approval for choices you make.
How Do You Let Go of a Friendship You’ve Outgrown?
Closing the chapter on a friendship isn’t easy, but if you feel like the relationship is no longer serving you or that you’ve outgrown the friendship, then it’s time to move on.
- Reflect on how you’ve changed. Acknowledge where you’re at now, and compare it to who you used to be. How have you grown? And how have you outgrown this friendship? If possible, commit your thoughts to paper and journal.
- Appreciate the friendship for what it once was. Undoubtedly, this friendship played some role in developing the person you are today. Reflect on how that friendship did once serve you, and how much you appreciate that friend for helping you to grow. Just because you’re letting go doesn’t mean you don’t care about them. You can still be supportive and caring from afar even if you choose to step away from the friendship.
- Move forward. Moving ahead doesn’t mean forgetting the past. In fact, moving forward is much easier if you take the lessons you learned with you. Focus on the relationships that serve you and bring you joy in the present, but also take time to reflect on how much you learned from the friendships you outgrew.
For more advice on outgrowing your friends, check out this article.
