21 Deal Breakers in a Relationship to Watch Out For

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All of us have different expectations and needs when it comes to relationships.

For example, one of your requirements may be that they have to enjoy soapy reality TV (like Selling the OC, obviously).

Or perhaps they have to be a fellow dog lover like yourself.

And of course, they must have a sincere appreciation for all the movie classics of the eighties, like ‘Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.’

These needs and desires vary from person to person. However, there are a few universal requirements we all need in a relationship. These universal requirements are what’s known as deal breakers in a relationship.

Deal breakers in a relationship are nonnegotiable. They’re what each of us should never compromise on, otherwise it creates an unhealthy power dynamic.

You may think it’s okay to ‘bend’ the boundary a bit with just one of these deal breakers. However, bending and allowing one deal breaker in a relationship quickly becomes a slippery slope.

Keep reading to learn which deal breakers you should watch out for.

21 Deal Breakers in a Relationship to Watch Out For

They’re self-absorbed. Ever get the feeling that there’s just not enough room for you in a relationship with this person? A self-absorbed partner will have difficulty making the necessary compromises in a relationship, not to mention they’re also less reliable and overall more self-serving. After all, how can they expect to be there for you when they’re always thinking about themselves?
They’re a Stage 5 Clinger. One of the worst deal breakers in a relationship can be clinginess, or neediness. Having someone that over relies on you for every little thing is not only exhausting for you, but also restrictive to your personal growth and your growth as a couple. While a healthy relationship requires some level of dependence on one another, putting all the weight on one of the partners is unsustainable.
They try to control others (including you). When it comes to deal breakers in a relationship, trying to exert control over you may be one of the more subtle ones. For example, they may try to undermine your choices by making you doubt yourself with an underhanded remark. Alternatively, they may be more overt and tell you exactly what you can and can’t do.
Their empathy is nonexistent. Have you noticed they do little to try to understand where you’re coming from? A lack of empathy can make it exceptionally difficult to emotionally connect with someone, not to mention it makes sustaining a relationship nearly impossible.
There’s clear substance abuse. This is probably one of the most important (and obvious) deal breakers in a relationship. Substance abuse, whether it’s drugs or alcohol, is something you should never overlook. Abuse of this kind can lead to not only health issues for your partner, but also financial and legal problems for both of you down the track. Plus, it can lead to severe behavioral problems in a partner, which can cause them to make decisions that only hurt you.
They’re abusive. Physical, emotional, or verbal, there is no room for any kind of abuse in a relationship. Period.
They have severe anger issues. Mild annoyance here and there is normal and expected, but blowing up repeatedly over just about anything is a major red flag, as well as a deal breaker in a relationship.
They’re dishonest. Honesty builds the foundation of every healthy relationship. Conversely, dishonesty is what causes a relationship to crumble. If your partner has made betraying your trust a habit, or continually shows you ways you can’t trust them, this will be a deal breaker.
There exhibit narcissistic tendencies. Gaslighting, emotional blackmail, and coercion/manipulation are all forms of narcissistic behaviors. If you note any of these behaviors in your partner, be careful. These tendencies can lead to precarious power dynamics.
They’re irresponsible when it comes to finances. This may not be one of the most obvious deal breakers in a relationship at first, but it’s worth discussing. If your partner is always in debt or spends uncontrollably, it can lead to a downward spiral of conflict, stress, and financial ruin in a relationship.
They’re unwilling to commit. Without commitment in a relationship, there will only be uncertainty and insecurity. So if your partner is refusing to commit to you and your future together, you will find yourself doubting everything you do, and have trouble planning for the future.
They disrespect your values. Whether it’s the fact that you like to attend church on Sundays, or that you like to see your family every week, if a partner can’t respect what you value in life, this will be a deal breaker in a relationship.
You can’t be vulnerable with them. Deal breakers in a relationship typically revolve around trust, or lack thereof. If you find yourself often holding back from being vulnerable, or that you restrict yourself from showing emotion, the relationship will have difficulty progressing and growing. This is because a relationship requires vulnerability from both partners to build trust, so if you can’t be vulnerable with each other, you won’t be able to build trust.
You can’t trust them. Speaking of trust, do you find yourself doubting what they say and do? It could be that they’ve lied to you in the past and you just haven’t moved past it. Or it could be that you have a sneaking suspicion that they’re just not giving you the full truth. Whatever the case, if you can’t trust them, you can’t grow together and the relationship will come to a screeching halt.
You can’t be your true self around them. Do you often hold back from showing your true colors around your partner out of fear of judgment or criticism? Restricting yourself around your partner means you don’t trust them to accept who you truly are.
There’s a lack of intimacy. Emotional and physical intimacy is critical to a successful relationship. So if your partner continually shows a lack of interest in you physically, or never wants to connect with you emotionally, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy and insecurity on your end. This form of rejection is difficult to bounce back from and can be a deal breaker.
What’s important to you isn’t important to them. Do you find that you two diverge widely on fundamental values and life goals? Not aligning on what matters most to you will lead to conflict, as underlying shared values are necessary to sustain a relationship.
They don’t support you. They may demand all the respect and support from you, but when it comes time to reciprocate, they’re ‘too busy’ or just totally unavailable. Sound familiar? If your partner consistently doesn’t show up, whether it’s for a work event, a family event, or just answering the phone when you call and need someone to talk to, this will lead to feelings of loneliness and neglect.
You can never rely on them. Do they always have excuses for why they can’t be there for you? Do you find yourself seeking out other sources of help, rather than turning to your partner? If you can’t rely on your partner, this is another deal breaker.
They expect/require you to sacrifice what you want in life. Does your partner expect you to make certain sacrifices to be with them? Perhaps they’ve given you an ultimatum to move in with them, so that you two can ‘stay together.’ Or maybe their deal breaker to be with them is that you agree to never have children. Whatever their requirements are, giving ultimatums like this sets the relationship up so that one partner is severely compromised.
They don’t prioritize you or the relationship. A relationship should be one of the top priorities in both partners’ lives. However, if you notice that your partner consistently prioritizes other things ahead of you, whether it’s their job and working around the clock, or only making time for their friends, but never you, this will make it significantly challenging for the relationship to last.