Confessions of a Chronic Blusher: How to Deal with Facial Flushing

In this post:

• The life of a blusher
• What causes excessive blushing?
• How do you stop blushing?
• Benefits of blushing

Please note that this post contains affiliate links.  For more information, see my disclosures here.

The Life of a Blusher

I’ve always been a blusher. If you make me laugh, I blush. If I get angry or worked up, I blush. When I work out, my face gets flushed so easily with just one sit-up. If I get taken aback or surprised, you guessed it, I blush! So why do I blush so much? Good question. There are actually several factors that we’ll get into later.

While blushing is something I’ve always dealt with, my facial blushing never used to be associated with embarrassment. It wasn’t until I hit my early twenties that it actually really started to bother me that I blushed so easily.

I can clearly remember giving a presentation in class one morning where I had an exceptionally trying time with my flushed face.

Going into the presentation, I felt very confident and more than prepared. I had done plenty of research on the topic, I had practiced a few times, my PowerPoint was polished and had just the right amount of information on it for the audience, and I was ready to ace the project.

However, when I got to the front of the classroom and began to speak, I felt all eyes on me and my face began to turn hot. I knew my face was a bright, cherry tomato red by this point and I got distracted, hyper focusing on my blushing and telling myself to stop it, and feeling the red color deepening even further.

It was like the more I told myself to stop, the worse it got. I kept going through my presentation, though I knew I sounded and looked distracted.

Just when I thought my face couldn’t get any more flushed, I heard someone in the front row only a few feet away from me whisper to their friend, “What’s wrong with her? Why is her face so red?”

Boy, I wanted to sprint out of that classroom when I heard that.

I felt so embarrassed and angry at myself that this was happening, and what’s worse, it felt like I had absolutely no control over it. When I finally finished my presentation, I made a beeline for my seat so I could get the hell out of the spotlight.

Irritated, confused thoughts pelted through my mind. Why did I blush so much? Why did I not have any control over it? What’s wrong with me?

And the blushing seemed to get only worse after that experience.

Because I began to associate turning red with shame and embarrassment, I became hyper focused on it all the time, making even the shortest, insignificant interactions with other people stressful and embarrassing.

This anxiety went on for a dreadful couple of years, and it wasn’t until I met my boyfriend (and eventual husband), that it finally began to improve. It felt like I had finally found someone that didn’t care about my blushing, that accepted me in spite of this flaw, and saw right through my crimson red face. Having someone like that bolstered my self-confidence and my blushing finally began to become less and less of a worry as I focused less and less on it.

A couple of years passed and my blushing days seemed to be over (yay!). Well, I thought they were. Once I started working in entertainment where looks are paramount, I had a vengeful return of facial flushing.

There was one day where I needed to make a presentation about a potential TV show that was considering being green lit. The TV show was heavily sexual in nature, and being a modest girl, I knew it may be a little difficult for me to talk through. But, hoping for the best, I told myself I would try my hardest to make it through without blushing. And besides, who cared if I blushed? Well, it turns out more people than I thought.

As I talked through the points of the show, mentioning various sexual references and innuendoes that would be a part of the theme, I could feel the blush creeping up. Being in a room full of mostly men, the blush continued to grow.

One of the men began to chuckle and then interrupted me, “Woweeee. Look at that blush!”

I tried to laugh it off, saying, “Well, I’m from the Midwest and I’m pretty modest about things like this.”

Then my boss chimed in, “You must be from the rural Midwest. I’ve never seen anyone turn that red! Just look at that!” Everyone in the room started laughing.

By now, I was more embarrassed and past the point of laughing it off, telling myself to stop blushing and praying this moment would pass. Finally, someone brought the conversation back to the TV show, and the discussion continued without further mention of my blushing.

After the meeting, my boss and I headed back to our offices. I was about to turn to head towards my desk when my boss spoke up.  “Come to my office when you get a chance.”

Not thinking anything of it, the blushing incident far from my mind by this point, I answered, “Ok! Be right there.” I grabbed my water from my desk and headed back to his office. I sat down in one of his chairs across from his desk.

Without looking away from his computer, he said, “Close the door.”

Oh. This was something serious. I stood up and shut the door and sat back down again, really nervous now, wondering where I had messed up or done something wrong. I pulled out my notebook and pen, hoping he was going to give me a task or project, and not reprimand me for something.

“What just happened in that meeting…” He paused, then went on.  “It can’t happen again. You can’t turn red like that anymore. You gotta stop that.”

I felt my breathing stop. What the f*ck was happening? Thoughts raced through my mind about what doctors had said, what my husband had said, what my parents told me. Words of comfort, telling me that no one cared if I blushed. People blush all the time, Heather. The only one that cares so much is you, Heather. You’re fair skinned; color just shows more. Turns out, none of that was true.

“I can’t have you turning red like that in meetings. It embarrasses me.” He gave me a stern look.

I felt my face blushing in response.

“You have to stop blushing now,” he said firmly.

Finally remembering I had the ability to speak, I said, “I’m sorry, but I can’t help it…it just..happens.” I was struggling to find the words, any words to explain myself.

“You have to fix it. I don’t want that happening again.” My boss turned back to his computer and began to type away, dismissing me.

I stood up slowly and walked out, unable to comprehend what had just happened.  I was ashamed for embarrassing my boss, and yet pissed at him for being so shallow.

From then on, my blushing went from a rare to an every-moment frequency. I began to hyper focus on it again, and every time someone spoke to me, I would instantly blush.

Once again, I associated my blushing with shame and embarrassment. Gone were my feelings of confidence and self-assurance, only to be replaced my insecurity and constant anxiety. My boss’ secretary even told me I should get surgery to fix my “problem.” And as if that wasn’t enough, my working environment was already sh*tty to begin with. It was a deathly toxic workplace, with vicious rumor spreading, outright backstabbing and lying to get ahead, where no rules of human decency applied.

I eventually ended up leaving because of the awful working conditions, and I would be lying if I didn’t say that I also got fed up with being criticized for how I looked with my blushing issues.

Since leaving this job, I’ve been able to reflect on it with a clearer head, and I’m so thankful to not be in a working environment anymore where I feel so anxious, criticized, and embarrassed for the way I look.

What Causes Excessive Blushing?

Most people know what it feels like to blush, whether it’s because they’re embarrassed, stressed, or if someone has paid them a compliment. But for a small percentage of the population (about 5%), blushing is a chronic issue.

While blushing is a reaction that does not harm the body, psychologically, it can lead to immense damage. Some individuals find that they’re completely unable to cope with the embarrassment, and may go as far as committing suicide. As young Brandon Thomas wrote in his suicide letter, “It is exhausting to wake up everyday and have to find little ways to avoid blushing.” While this is an awful and extreme scenario, it can’t be denied that for those of us that suffer from persistent blushing, it can be emotionally exhausting to deal with every day.

So why do people’s faces turn bright red?

It is believed that blushing results from an overactive sympathetic nervous system. The sympathetic nervous system is what controls our “fight or flight” response to stress. You’re probably familiar with this emotional response from having to give a speech, or waiting for your name to be called out, or when you’re anxiously awaiting something.

Your breathing quickens, your pupils dilate, your heart begins to race.  You may feel jittery as your body readies itself to run, and it feels like every cell in your body is screaming “GET OUT!”

This response from fear is a normal, innate reaction that our ancestors used long ago to survive on a daily basis. Though our lives differ drastically from theirs now, we still possess that primal instinct to flee when we perceive danger.

So though it may seem like your face gets flushed for no apparent reason, it is because of this fight or flight response that our blood vessels dilate to increase blood flow, especially in the face. The skin on our face holds far more capillaries, and the blood vessels in our cheeks are much closer to the surface than they are in other parts of the body. So when you get anxious, your blood vessels expand, filling with blood and giving you that blushed appearance.

What is blushing a sign of? Blushing is a sign of emotional distress. It could mean that we’re nervous, anxious, concerned, or embarrassed.

It’s a simple physiological response that happens to everyone, but for some people it happens more often (myself included). Plus, if you’re fair skinned like me, blushing shows up even more simply because you have less pigment in your skin to disguise the red coloring (yay).

How Do You Stop Blushing?

There are a few options to consider if you’re wondering how you can stop flushing. Here are a few, less invasive approaches that I’ve tried:

• Color corrective makeup. I haven’t found one that I really like yet, but you can find green colored makeup to counteract the red in your cheeks. There are also green tinted lotions you can buy.  It’s worth trying to see if it helps minimize the red, although I don’t think it’s very effective overall.
• Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). Recommended to be the safest, most effective way to reduce blushing. Several doctors have recommended it to me, and although I’ve only had one session so far, I found it to be immensely helpful.
• Meditation and deep breathing exercises. This has been by far the best approach I’ve experienced yet to stop blushing. Although it may seem kind of silly to think of deep breathing as a way to stop going red all the time, it actually works. When we get panicked and activate our sympathetic nervous system, our breathing grows shallow and quickens. This limits oxygen to the brain and makes it harder to think clearly, which makes us even more panicked, and intensifies the effects of the fight or flight response.  Consequently, this causes us to redden even further. Coupled with meditation, deep breathing exercises may be your best weapon in learning how to stop your blushing.

More Drastic Approaches to Stop Bushing

• Medication. This is not an approach I’d recommend, but there are several medications out there. I’ve only tried one that reduced my blood pressure (though I definitely didn’t need it for my blood pressure). When your body goes into fight or flight mode and you begin to blush, your blood pressure increases. By keeping your blood pressure down, it can help to reduce the effects of your blushing. I only found that it helped marginally, though. Your doctor may also recommend a beta blocker, but this can come with side effects and is meant for those that suffer from severe social anxiety.
• Endoscopic thoracic sympathectomy (ETS). This is a fairly new surgery that still has some controversy surrounding it. Although originally performed to treat excessive sweating, the surgery involves cutting the nerves that induces the blushing in your face. It comes with potentially severe complications, and it’s definitely not worth it, in my opinion.

Take a Look at the Brighter Side!  Here are Some Benefits of Blushing

• You’re a more empathetic person.  Blushers are more empathetic by nature.  When we blush, it shows our vulnerability and emotions, and because of this, we are better able to understand other people’s emotions and their vulnerabilities.
• You’re more trustworthy.  Research has shown that blushers are more likely to be trusted than non blushers.  With people that blush, their face reflects what they’re feeling, making it so that others feel more comfortable in talking to them and opening up.
• You’re sincere.  Blushing is a purely human reaction that indicates sincerity to others.  Studies have shown that people are more likely to believe someone is genuine if their cheeks turn pink.  Blushing is something that can’t be faked, and so it signals honesty and sincerity.

Final Thoughts

Although I’ve still got a ways to go in addressing my blushing, the best advice I can give you is to practice self-acceptance, and to stop caring about what others think.  The vast majority of people out there don’t care about your blushing (except for people like my boss), and many of them will show empathy towards your blushing.  Learn to love and accept yourself as you are, and you’ll soon learn to not care about the blushing, which will make it less and less of an issue for you.