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Recently we had a couple friends over for dinner. With the holidays approaching, I was super excited and looking forward to their company. The majority of the day was spent cleaning, prepping the food, and making sure the cocktails and wine would be ready to serve shortly after their arrival. Additionally, I should mention that we recently moved into a new place, so I was doubly excited to show our friends the progress we had made as our home is definitely a ‘fixer.’
Upon arrival, our friends presented us with a beautiful (definitely not cheap) bottle of wine–assumably as a housewarming gift. We thanked them, and told them we’d be sure to enjoy the wine. I left the gifted bottle on the counter next to the bottle of wine I had only just opened, and offered my girlfriend a glass of the freshly opened wine.
While we had a great time catching up with each other and enjoying drinks and dinner that evening, I tried to ignore a few odd instances. For example, when we gave the couple a tour of our home and told them what we had done with the place (e.g., replaced flooring, lighting, painted, etc.), our progress was not met with acknowledgement, but rather criticism.
“Oh, so you’re going to just keep antiques in here? You should have put a pool table in here.”
“Why did you hang a lighting fixture like that one?”
“This room badly needs a TV.”
“Why is it so dark in here?”
I finally stopped talking as we moved from room to room, and just let them do all the talking as they gave us their ‘recommendations’ for improving our home.
Fortunately they left soon after dinner, and I was exhausted from biting my tongue. We sent them home with homemade holiday bread and a small Christmas gift. A few minutes after their departure (still trying to be a gracious host), I followed up with a text to my girlfriend, thanking them again for the wine, and also for coming over.
What followed next was a curious exchange with her.
“We should save the bottle of wine for the next time we see each other!”
To which I replied, “Of course. I’ll be sure to save it! Thank you again!”
She responded again, “No. I’ll save it.”
I frowned as I read her message again. Then it dawned on me as I went back into the kitchen. I looked all around, but the wine she had brought was nowhere to be found.
She had actually taken the bottle of wine back with her when she left. So the supposed housewarming gift they had bestowed upon us was not actually a gift at all, but a guise for a seemingly nice gesture.
But the questionable behavior didn’t stop there. I never once received a follow-up of any kind following that evening–not a thank you card or even text for the baked goods or Christmas gift, or dinner. I actually haven’t heard a word ever since.
After this happened, I tried my hardest to give this couple the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps they were truly unaware of proper guest etiquette, hence why they had taken their expensive bottle of wine back…? Or maybe they hadn’t had much experience hosting guests before. After all, to be a good guest, it certainly helps to have hosted before.
I’ll never know for sure why the evening unfolded in this way, but it definitely got me thinking of what it means to be a good house guest.
Being a good house guest doesn’t have to be complicated or hard, but there are a few basic qualities to keep in mind.
Keep reading below to learn the qualities of a good house guest.
8 Qualities of a Good House Guest
1. They communicate and check-in. A good house guest communicates openly. They don’t cancel at the very last minute, and they don’t wait to respond to an invitation until the day of the event. They give ample notice, and confirm their attendance (or cancel) at least a day in advance.
2. They bring a thoughtful gift or food to compliment the occasion. A thoughtful gift doesn’t need to be an expensive gift. It can be as simple as a handwritten card. If coming over for snacks and/or a meal, offer to bring something to compliment the food, perhaps an appetizer. Alternatively, a bottle of wine is typically always appreciated, or even a congratulatory bottle of champagne if good news is being celebrated, such as a new home, a promotion, or just because.
3. They’re flexible. Another quality of a good house guest is flexibility. This is broad-ranging, but it essentially means being adaptable for your host. Maybe your host asked you last minute to arrive twenty minutes later than planned because they’re putting their baby to bed, or perhaps your host planned a fun surprise activity for the evening. Whatever the host calls for, show flexibility and willingness to go with the flow.
4. They don’t expect your complete and undivided attention. A good house guest does not expect to be entertained 100% of the time, nor do they expect their host to listen to their entire life story. They know that the host has other demands and needs to fulfill, and they try to not overwhelm them.
5. They step in to help. A good house guest is assertive and steps in to help wherever possible. This means that if they see that their host’s hands are full, they try to ease the load and offer help. This doesn’t need to be complicated. It can be as simple as helping to find an oven mitt when the oven timer goes off, or helping put out food, or offering to check on/top up everyone’s drinks.
6. They don’t criticize or offer unsolicited advice. This hearkens back to my earlier story, but it should be mentioned again. A good house guest does not criticize their host’s home (or really anything pertaining to the host). If asked for advice, obviously the invitation can be met with positive feedback and helpful tips.
7. They spend time with the organizer/host. Whether the gathering is large or small, a good house guest should make every effort to spend some time with the organizer or host. If it’s a larger party and the host is busy speaking with others, or just busy entertaining, try to spend a few minutes (when they’re free) just checking in with them or thanking them for organizing the event. Better yet, offer to help them if it looks like they have a lot on their plate.
8. They follow-up afterwards. The final quality of a good house guest is to follow up with a thank-you or other words of appreciation. This doesn’t need to be immediately following the event; it can be the next day, or even a couple of days afterwards. It also doesn’t need to be an elaborate thank-you (although cards are almost always appreciated by nearly everyone). It can be a short text, such as: “We had a great time with you the other night. Thank you so much for having us!” Leaving things on a positive note with your host is one of the best qualities a house guest can have, and one your host will be sure to appreciate.
For more tips on how to be a good houseguest, check out this article.
