In this post:
- When love becomes long distance
- Why long-distance relationships are worth it
- How a long-distance love bulletproofs your relationship
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When love becomes long distance
A long distance relationship is never easy, and if you ask anyone’s opinion on them, the majority of them will say they “never” work out.
False! I’m living proof that a long distance relationship can work out, and better yet, my long distance relationship resulted in a happy and healthy marriage with that person that so many people said it would “never” work out with, simply because of the distance.
When I originally met my spouse, I was overseas studying abroad in Australia. We met serendipitously when I was grocery shopping (super romantic, huh?). Although we kept things pretty light and only went on a few dates throughout my summer there, we both knew we really liked each other.
However, at the end of my studies there we ended things, saying that a long distance relationship could “never” (there’s that word again) work out.
Two years later, after keeping in loose contact via Facebook, this past fling decided he wanted to visit me in the states.
I didn’t know what to expect, as we had both not seen each other in over two years, and we had both matured a bit (thank God) since my study abroad days. And let’s be real, even if it went well, could a long-distance relationship really survive?
Well, things went much differently and much better than I expected, and we fell in love almost immediately once we saw each other again. We decided to make our long-distance relationship official when he returned back home overseas, and almost a year went by as we endured a long distance relationship.
It was tough living for that visit every few months, waiting up late for that phone call (or getting up early), and both of us wondering, “how on earth will this ever work out?” Eventually, I decided to move overseas to be with him, and it was one of the best decisions I ever made.
Why long-distance relationships are worth it
Being in a long distance relationship is hard work, but it may be one of the best investments you ever make for yourself and your relationship.
Many people say that long distance relationships are doomed, that it’s only a matter of time before things fizzle and end in heartbreak. However, I saw our long distance relationship as an opportunity to build our trust in one another, to bulletproof our relationship, and to work on our own personal development goals.
Being in a long distance relationship gives you something that other, geographically closer relationships cannot: time. Wait-isn’t that the worst part of a long-distance love? Not having enough time together? Well, it is in that regard. But with geographically closer relationships, you don’t always have enough time to yourself.
When I think back on one of my relationships in college, I think our relationship would have been healthier if we had had more time apart.
I was going to class for the majority of the day, seeing him between classes, and then spending evenings with him. When the day was done, I would realize I still hadn’t studied or done my homework, I hadn’t worked out or done any kind of physical activity, and I hadn’t done something that brought me a little peace for the day, like reading a book, watching TV with my roomies, etc.
In this experience, I learned that when there’s too much of a good thing, it gets boring pretty quickly, and most guys would say the same.
Having downtime and time to yourself is not only good for relationships, it’s advantageous for your mental health and well-being. Maybe that’s why I’m such an advocate for long distance relationships, as they give you the chance to not only reach your self-improvement goals, but also keep you sane and level-headed so that you can make sound decisions for both you and your partner.
There are plenty of reasons why a long-distance relationship works. With the right person, a long distance relationship will make your relationship much stronger than other, geographically closer relationships, and more importantly, it will build a stronger foundation of trust between you and your partner.
Read on for more long-distance relationship advice, and how they can bulletproof your relationship and make you kick-a** at life.
How a long distance love bulletproofs your relationship, and makes you kick-a** at life
1. They make you appreciate the time you have together. Moving a relationship to long-distance mode is a much-feared step to take for couples, primarily because it significantly reduces the time they spend with each other. However, having less time together will make the time you do spend with each other that much more special, and it will give you a sincere appreciation for each other.
2. They force you to reflect on what’s most important to you. Having time apart will force you to think about what’s most important in your life, and what you want from this relationship. Sometimes when you spend too much time with a person, you barely have time to reflect on the good and not-so-good parts of the relationship. When you’re apart, really take the time to assess whether this person and their qualities are right for you, and if they share the same values and goals as you do.
3. They build an unparalleled level of trust. Many couples fear long-distance simply because they’ll be forced to trust that other person completely. Long-distance relationships are all about trust, and trusting the other person will be faithful to you as you are to them. They’re also the ultimate test for your relationship, and if you two can pass this test, you can basically get through anything that life throws at you later on.
4. They’re an opportunity for self-improvement. With a long-distance love, you and your partner may be forced to spend weeks or months apart at a time. While this may seem scary at first, use this opportunity as a chance for “me” time, and start ticking off some of your personal development goals. Have you always wanted to learn how to meditate? Do you want to get in better shape? Maybe you’ve always wanted to take a course in archaeology! Or learn how to surf! Make the most of your time apart, and you’ll be able to impress your partner when they find out you’ve become a pro surfer 😉
5. They make you grateful for what you already have. Being apart from the person you love the most is a humbling experience. Say you’ve just had a fantastic weekend together, and they’ve just hopped on the plane to head back to reality. While it may be tempting to have a bawling session and eat chocolate all day, look around you first. What do you already have in your life? Do you have a great support network of friends and family? Do you have a job that you love that you can throw yourself into come Monday morning? Do you have a nice place to come home to every day? Think of all the things you already have, and practice gratitude.
6. You’ll always have something to look forward to. With a long distance relationship, you’re always anticipating the next time together. Even if you’re the most pessimistic person out there, you won’t be able to ignore the little flutter of excitement you feel when you think about the next time you have together. Always having something to look forward to can make you a more positive person, and can brighten your horizons immensely just knowing that there’s another visit to look forward to.
7. You’ll learn more about yourself. Relationships are all about getting to know another person, but they’re also the perfect opportunity to learn more about yourself. Spending time apart from your loved one will help you realize what you want and don’t want in a relationship. You’ll also learn things about yourself that you never knew. For example, I learned that I’m actually more patient than I once thought, as being forced to wait to see my then-boyfriend for months on end helped me to develop the patience of a saint. I also learned that I’m actually decent at event planning, which helped me to plan out fantastic itineraries and things to do for when he visited me.
Long-distance relationships are tough, but they can definitely work, and your relationship will be much better off if you can endure the time apart and make the most of it. So the next time someone disses your relationship and tells you that your long-distance relationship won’t work out, smile politely, nod, and say, “We’ll see about that.”
