In this post:
- Waiting to have kids
- Advantages of waiting to have a baby
- Having a child later in life: the pros and cons (table)
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Waiting to have kids
Becoming a parent one day may be the most important job we ever sign up for (either intentionally or unintentionally). When I talk to people that have kids, here are some of the sentiments I hear,
“Some days it sucks, but it’s all worth it to see them happy and growing.”
“I love my kids. They’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
“It’s one of the most challenging and rewarding jobs I’ve had yet.”
“Gah-I love those little sh*ts,” as my brother-in-law says affectionately.
Having kids is like ticking off another item on the American Dream list. Everyone wants them someday (or the majority of folks do). But for those of us that don’t have them yet (myself included), the idea can seem pretty daunting. What if we’re just not ready?
Being married, in my mid-twenties, and being from the Midwest, I should have popped out at least 2 by now. But nope, I’m happily married and enjoying the freedom my spouse and I have to work in industries we’re passionate about, to have the ability to drop everything and travel without any notice, and to literally not have any extra baggage at this point. Of course, these sentiments have been met by some opposition.
“How much longer are you going to wait to, you know, have kids?”
“Isn’t it time you start thinking about starting a family?”
“Oh, you still don’t have kids?
Nope. Still childless, and very happy with that choice right now. Does that mean it doesn’t cross my mind to have kids one day? Absolutely not! I think it about often, with the same question always crossing my mind, “should I wait to have kids?”
It sometimes feels like I already do have them. I have several little nieces now that I adore and whom I consider to be “practice” for the day I decide to have children. My husband and I talk about it sometimes, and it’s fun to think about what we would name them, how we would parent, and all the phases we would go through together as parents and spouses. But we’re both really happy in the chapter we’re in right now, which happens to be child-free.
So why is there so much pressure placed on young couples, or more specifically, on women, to have children?
Because being a woman affects every decision we make and every aspect of our lives. Have a child can influence whether or not we advance in our careers. Thinking about raising a child affects what we look for in a potential spouse. Having a child forces us to consider what sacrifices we’ll need to make, which is all drastically determined by our ever-ticking biological clock.
Women have a lot more to think about when it comes to having children, and the factors I just listed only scratch the surface when it comes to how and what influences that big decision. I’m not saying that men have got it so easy in comparison to us, but the pressure to have kids sooner rather than later, simply based on our biological clock, is a real and tangible factor in how and when we decide to start a family.
But what does the research say? There are actually several advantages to waiting to have a baby and delaying parenthood.
Advantages of waiting to have a baby
- You’ll live longer. Research has found that having children at a later age may lead to greater longevity. In fact, women who had their children in their thirties were found to be twice as likely to live to 95 or older than those who had their last child before they hit 30. Further data showed that having your first baby at age 25 or after will also increase your chances of living into your 90s.
- Your brain will stay sharper longer. Studies have also shown that women were found to have sharper cognitive functioning after menopause if their last baby was born after they were 35. Additionally, this research found that chances of memory loss decreased if women used hormonal contraceptives for at least 10 years.
- You’ll make more money. There’s also a clear correlation between waiting to have children and making more money throughout your lifetime. Studies have shown that women who have children before 25 will take a significant hit to their lifetime earnings, whereas women who are at least 31 will experience significantly more financial gains throughout their lifetime.
- Your kids will benefit. Waiting to have children in your thirties, or even forties, has been found to present a multitude of long-term advantages for kids. Children born to older mothers have been found to stay in the educational system longer, perform better on standardized tests, and are more likely to attend college than those who are born to younger mothers. The same also held true for siblings, meaning that younger siblings (those who were born when their mother was older) were more likely to attend college and performed better on tests than their older siblings.
- Your chances for breast cancer will decline. Research has continued to show that women who have their first child in their thirties are less likely to develop breast cancer. Score!
With these benefits of being an older parent in mind, let’s compare the pros and cons of having a child later in life.
Having a child later in life: the pros and cons
Final Thoughts
Deciding to start a family is a very personal decision that ultimately comes down to what you and your partner want, and what is best for you both. Take away what others think you should do and their opinions (no matter how helpful they think they’re being), and focus on your needs. Do you want to wait until you’re more established in your career? Great! You can do that. Do you want to go ahead and start your family because it’s all you and your spouse can think about? Wonderful! You have an exciting chapter ahead of you.
The point is, no one else can decide what’s best for you other than you. And what works best for you and where you’re at in your life right now won’t apply to everyone else. So choose what’s best for you and your life right now. And if you decide to go ahead and wait, well, you’ll enjoy a lot of the perks that come with delayed parenthood.
