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If you’re someone that regularly practices kindness and common courtesy, coming across a negative, rude person can be very disorienting, and often feels like a slap in the face. After all, what right do they have to be rude to you when you did nothing to provoke them?
Sadly, rude people seem to be everywhere, and it’s something that we just have to get used to. Or do we?
Perhaps it’s best that we instead try to understand where they’re coming from. Let’s quickly delve into why people act like this, and what exactly causes people to be so rude.
Why are people so rude?
Being from the rural Midwest, I’m from a place where people stop to say hello. They wave to you as they drive by. They hold the door open for you. They smile at you as they pass you in the grocery store. It’s not a perfect place by any means, but it is a lot friendlier than most bustling cities.
Hence why I’m always taken aback when people angrily brush by me if I walk too slowly. Or when they dart in front of me to get ahead as I walk to the check-out line at the grocery store. Or when they sigh impatiently as I bag up my groceries and don’t move quickly enough. Or when they flip me off for going the speed limit.
The world can be an unfriendly place, but there are a few things that both you and I should try to remind ourselves of when we come across negative, rude people.
It’s not about you. And it’s not about me. It’s about THEM.
People are rude and sometimes flat-out mean because it’s how they cope. They’re not being rude for the fun of it, because what kind of person feels joy from being mean?
Their rudeness is merely a reaction to themselves and their perceived inadequacies or shortcomings. These perceived inadequacies result from a number of different internal thoughts. They may feel like they’re not good enough to deserve kindness in return. They may think that the only way to get ahead is to walk on other people. They may think they’re not important enough to be noticed, and thus are rude to everyone they come across. They may struggle to live in the moment, and consequently they hurry through every activity in their day, not realizing how many people they’re hurting.
But more than likely, they have convinced themselves that they’re unworthy of love and kindness, which is the greatest heartbreak of all.
So how do you deal with rude and/or negative people? How do you shield yourself from their negative energy and not get hung up on what they do to you?
The next time you come across a rude person, use these 7 strategies.
How to deal with negative, rude people
1. Don’t take it personally. I realize that this is something way easier said than done, but hear me out. When someone makes a rude remark to you, or does something offensive, ask yourself, “Is this really about me?” Chances are, it’s not about you individually. More than likely, the rude incident would have happened to anyone standing in your shoes, and you’re just the unlucky one that got the brunt of someone’s rudeness today.
2. Recognize that they’re struggling. We can’t know what is going on in every person’s life, and it may be the case that the rude person you just encountered is having an awful day. Simply recognize that this person is struggling with their own problems, and that being rude is their coping mechanism.
3. Forget trying to change them. Trying to change someone from who they are is a waste of your time. Ultimately, a person can only change if they make that decision for themselves. Live your life the way you want to, and let them live their life the way they want to.
4. Avoid them. If you can already tell that the person (particularly a stranger or anyone you don’t know) is dangerously rude or on the verge of snapping, keep a safe distance from them. It’s not worth it to get in their way when they could flip out any moment.
5. Set the example worth following. You never know who is watching when you come across a rude person, and even if no one is, do you really want to stoop as low as the rude person? Your reaction to rudeness is your choice, and you don’t have to fight back to make a point.
6. Confront that person when the time is right. If this person is habitually rude to you, or if you work with them or have a shared space, it may be time to confront them. Let the other person know how their behavior makes you feel, and use more “I” language than “You.” Often, people are oblivious to how their behavior is affecting others and they may need a wake-up call.
7. Follow the Golden Rule. Treat them how you would want to be treated, no matter how hard it is to not reciprocate their rudeness. Show them kindness, and have sympathy for the way they are. A habitually rude person is most likely living a very miserable life, and their behaviors are the ultimate reflection of that. Be glad for the life you have, and extend compassion to theirs.
Trying to overcome the negativity in your life? Train your brain to think positive with these 8 techniques.
