Key takeaway: It’s normal to care to an extent about what others think, but caring too much can quickly and negatively affect how we choose to live our lives.
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Why Do We Care So Much About What Others Think?
To figure out how to stop caring about what others think, we really need to go back to the beginning. Since the dawn of time, humans have been hardwired to seek approval from others and to care about what others think of them. Whereas approval from others these days may come in the form of a simple ‘Like’ on Facebook, back then, approval from others meant much more.
Approval and group conformity was necessary for our survival. We needed and required membership from other groups of humans to guarantee our safety and protection. This meant that conformity was favored and, consequently, approval from others was necessary.
Since then, our emotional hardwiring hasn’t changed much. We still seek validation and approval from others for our actions and choices. While we’re not likely to get eaten or killed if we don’t conform, the alternative of being social isolated (or canceled) is unpleasant, to say the least.
Related: How to Let Go of the Need For Approval From Others
Plus, it’s undeniable that it feels good when we know someone thinks favorably of us. On the other hand, we also know how it doesn’t feel good when we know someone doesn’t think favorably of us. We attempt to minimize those negative feelings by actually caring more about what others think of us, which in turn can often tip the scales in favor of trying harder to please someone else, rather than ourselves.
Living this way is not only restrictive to how we live our lives, but it’s also exhausting keeping up with trying to figure out what others think about us. This is why it’s so important to identify those moments when you’re acting in a way that isn’t true to yourself and putting someone else’s perceived needs before your own.
Keep reading to learn how to stop caring about what others think, so you can finally live your life the way you want to.
6 Easy Ways to Stop Caring About What Others Think
- Identify the negative self-talk. When it comes to teaching ourselves how to not care about what others think, the first step is to identify the self-talk that is telling us to care in the first place. Pause and listen to your thoughts. Are you telling yourself that others are judging you? That they’re criticizing you? What proof do you have? Chances are, you don’t have any proof that anyone is thinking critically or badly of you, and that your thoughts are simply based on fears alone.
- Replace the negative self-talk with the truth. Once you’ve identified the negative chatter in your mind, replace it with the truth. It could be as simple as telling yourself, ‘My fears are not my reality.’ Or, ‘I don’t need others’ approval for the choices I make.’
- Give others the benefit of the doubt. So much of our worrying comes from the mere possibility that others may be judging and/or criticizing us. Go a little easier on others (and yourself) by giving others the benefit of the doubt. Trust me, your interactions with others will be far less strained and stressful when you learn to simply give them a little room to express themselves.
- Be wary of the company you keep. While this is something we should always be mindful of, it’s particularly important when training your mind to not focus on what others think. When we’re surrounded by others who, say for example, focus too much on others and are consistently critical of others, it’s all too easy to follow that pattern of behavior and become critical of others. This will only reinforce the patterns/behaviors we already have of focusing too much on what others think, rather than living the way we want to. Surround yourself instead with people who uplift and inspire you, rather than those who make you question your self-worth or doubt yourself.
- Identify your worst critic. I’m going to take the guesswork out of this one for you. YOU. You are your worst critic. You are the one that will remember your perceived mistakes for eternity (if you decide that’s what you want to do). You are the one that judges yourself harshly for whatever choices you’ve made or will make. Other people are far less likely to judge you so harshly. Most likely, they have (or will) forget whatever you said, or whatever actions you took. There’s no need to live with that shame or regret you’re holding onto, so why not let go?
- Remember that people actually care far more about themselves than they care about you. While you may think that others are constantly sizing you up or picking you apart, remember that they’re far more likely to care about themselves than they care about you. This means there is a very good chance that while you were you worrying about what they thought of your presentation at work, they were worrying about a deadline they may not make, what they’re going to eat for lunch that day, or if they have time for a jog after work.
For more tips on how to stop caring about what others think, check out this article.
