In this post:
- “You are who your friends are”
- 9 signs that your negative friend is a life-ruiner
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“You are who your friends are”
Nothing is more draining than a negative friend. A negative friend has far-reaching, powerful effects. They can darken your outlook on life, sour your mood, and emotionally exhaust you simultaneously. And yet, we continue to put up with negative people in our life because:
- We have history with them
- They’ve been a “good” friend in the past
- They’re a great person to complain to
- We’re in denial of how much they’re bringing us down
- We don’t know how to let them know how they’re effecting us
You’ve probably heard the saying, “You are who your friends are.” Well, there’s actually a bit of truth to that. Humans have always had the uncanny ability to mirror other’s emotions. While this can be great when you’re surrounded with positive, optimistic people, it can have potentially damaging consequences when you’re surrounded with people who are, well, the opposite.
Still not convinced? Research has found that when a spouse experiences depression, the chances for their partner developing depression skyrockets. And the same holds true for roommates, as well. Furthermore, other emotions, such as fear and anxiety, have also been found to be contagious, and the more you’re exposed to such emotions in close company, the more likely you are to develop similar emotional patterns.
At one of my previous jobs, I made friends with one of my colleagues (perhaps not always the best idea). We had a lot of the same interests, similar senses of humor, and we worked well together.
However, as time went on, I quickly found that she was always quick to point out the negative. When I first noticed this tendency, I thought of her approach as more of a “worst-case scenario” kind of thinking. But as our relationship progressed, it wasn’t just this that became an issue.
Everything to her had some negative aspect that would essentially doom the future for her, or for everyone. There was never a silver lining for her, and even when I would point out something positive to focus on, she would quickly find something negative that completely overshadowed the positive.
I didn’t notice her effects on me at first. To be honest, I found her friendship somewhat comforting when something went wrong. For example, when I would have a bad day at work or some heartbreak with a guy, she was always there for me to complain to, and she would always find something worse for us to complain about. Whatever initial problem I presented to her was never as bad as something else that she would point out.
Pretty soon, I became an expert doomsayer. Give me any problem, and I could add layers of more potential complications and issues to it. It wasn’t until I actually heard myself talking one day to another friend that I realized just how negative I was.
I didn’t like what I had become. I had always been a positive person with a sunny disposition. But without even my noticing, my sunny outlook had become clouded, and my typically persistent optimism had shifted to a determined sense of pessimism.
When I took another job elsewhere, she made it clear that I wouldn’t be taking our friendship with me. I was somewhat relieved, as she had made things a little easier for me in ending our friendship. So with that, I cut my losses and went on to better, happier times.
A negative friend isn’t always immediately obvious. You may not always notice how they’re affecting you right away, but with time, you’ll see how they can completely shift your attitude and perspective on life, and not for the better.
However, deciding to end a friendship is an awfully difficult decision. You may convince yourself that it’s easier to just keep things status quo, even when you know deep down that it isn’t a healthy relationship.
Keep in mind though that a negative, toxic friend can stand directly in your way of your happiness, and that every moment you spend time with them brings you another step backwards in finding joy in your life. After all, how can you really expect to grow and find fulfillment when someone is there to constantly remind you of all that’s negative?
So how do you know when it’s time to call it quits with your negative friend? Read on to learn the 9 signs.
9 signs that your negative friend is a life-ruiner
1. They can’t share your happiness. When something great happens, like you just graduated from your master’s program, or you finally landed that amazing job after so many interviews, a friend should support and express happiness for you. A negative friend though may be apathetic, or worse, find something negative about your accomplishment.
2. They give you back-handed compliments. They give you odd, seemingly nice at first compliments that make you feel bad a moment later. For instance, they may say something like, “You’re so brave for cutting your hair so short like a boy would. I would never do that!”
3. They constantly rain on your parade. No matter what great news you have, or even when something relatively normal, but nice happens (e.g., you qualified for a free drink at Starbucks), it’s never something worth showing happiness, or even contentment over. Your friend is always there to make some kind of remark that instantly fades the glow of something good.
4. They make sarcastic, demeaning jokes. A negative friend is an expert at skillfully making jokes that may sound clever at first, but are actually quite demeaning and unnecessarily harsh.
5. They’re “but”holes. No matter what you’ve got to say, they’ll always counteract it with “but….” and find something negative to add to your positive comment.
6. The future never looks good for them. There is never anything good to look forward to. It’s all doom and gloom for them (and for everyone).
7. You can sense their jealousy. Negative friends are often jealous of other, happier people. Why shouldn’t they be? Happier people know how to appreciate what they’ve already got, and their perspective on life is much brighter. With a negative friend, you can sense the undercurrents of jealousy, and they may make snarky remarks that hint at their envy towards you.
8. They talk about you behind your back. A negative friend is quick to gossip about you behind your back, especially when something bad happens. Maybe you got let go from your job, or maybe your boyfriend broke up with you. The juicier the details, the more they’ll talk sh*t on you.
9. Drama thrills them. No matter how chill your negative friend claims to be, or how often they say they “hate” drama, drama always seems to find them, and they love every moment of it.
