In this post:
- When LA loses its luster
- 10 flakey behaviors you’ll encounter in LA
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When LA loses its luster
Growing up, I spent a lot of my childhood in Southern California. Though I was born and raised in the Midwest and call it my home, my parents originated from California, and so we spent all our summers and holidays there.
As a kid, LA had it all. The beaches for surfing, the mountains for skiing, the perfect, sunny weather nearly every day of the year, and let’s not forget Disneyland! I loved spending holidays with family in Southern California, and it’s where some of my best memories come from.
Now as an adult living here, Los Angeles has lost a bit of its luster for me. I’ve gotten my Master’s here and also worked in entertainment for a while, but so many of my experiences with Angelenos have left much to be desired.
I get that LA is a super competitive city, and I think that many people here have become victims of this environment.
They’ve effectively modeled their behaviors after what they’ve seen or experienced in this cut-throat environment, which may be why they come off as superficial or flakey. But the number of times I’ve gotten stood up or blown off for meetings or get-togethers with friends, colleagues at work, and even my professors is mind-blowing.
Now I know that the Midwest is an entirely different culture when compared to Southern California’s, so I can’t exactly draw fair comparisons here. But from my experiences living in other Midwestern cities and living overseas for several years, LA is by far the flakiest city I’ve encountered yet.
Here’s an example. Months before I graduated from my master’s program in psychology, I already had a job lined up at a big-name company in entertainment. One of my closer friends here was, at first, very supportive and happy for me when I landed my new gig. When we would go out together or hang out with other friends, she would brag to her pals about how her friend was working at this well-known company in Hollywood.
I’m not going to lie, I was happy and proud of myself for landing this job too, and being a fairly modest person, it was nice to have someone that so openly lauded my efforts to get to this point.
Then when I started my job and found out just how horrible it could be working in such a toxic industry, my relationship with my friend changed.
I told her about some of the deplorable, unethical things I had seen at my job, and I confessed to her that I wanted to leave soon rather than become a victim of the toxic work culture. She tried to talk me out of it, and I resolved to stay on for a few more months.
But after a year, I couldn’t take it anymore. Professional discrediting, rampant rumor spreading, and outright backstabbing were only a few of the things I experienced and/or saw on a daily basis. I gave a month’s notice, and planned my exit.
When I told my friend though, it was clear she wasn’t happy about my decision. I explained to her why I was making this decision for my health and happiness, but she became very short and snappy with me, telling me that I should “try harder” to make it work.
When I finished up my last week of work there, I can’t tell you how much happier and relieved I felt leaving such a negative workplace. I had my next gig lined up, and I felt 100 pounds lighter knowing I would never have to step foot in that toxic office again. I texted my friend to let her know it was my last day and that we should catch up sometime in the next week. Her response was not what I expected.
“I’m busy. That’s too bad about your job.”
It’s been a few months, and I haven’t heard from her since.
In a way, I guess I should be grateful that I now know what her true colors are, but I’ve never experienced such flakiness and superficiality to this extent before. She had made it clear that she only wanted to be associated with me because of where I worked, and now that I didn’t work there anymore, I was nobody.
To add insult to injury, my colleagues that I was closer with from my old workplace that worked in other departments/divisions acted very much the same way. When I left, they said they would love to hang out still and keep in touch. But yet none of them have responded to a single text, and have utterly ignored me.
That’s not to say that every single person I’ve come across here has been super flakey. I’ve met some genuinely decent, hardworking and kind people here, and have made friendships that I know will last a lifetime. However, it’s hard to ignore the fact that so many of my interactions and experiences with others here seem to show a trend towards superficiality and flakiness.
Curious to know what kind of flakey behaviors you’ll encounter in LA? Read on to find out what you should expect from the flakes of LA.
10 flakey behaviors you’ll encounter in LA
1. Nothing and no one is as important as #1. This ties in with the third truth, but if you really want to understand my point here, just get behind the wheel and hop on the nearest freeway.
2. When it rains, the world stops turning. If you’re from anywhere else in the USA that actually has seasons and weather (e.g., snow, sleet, ice, wind, or even a little drizzle), driving in the rain in LA is like experiencing an apocalypse. The freeways close, the streets flood, power lines and palm tree parts topple, and it’s every man for themselves. It’s no wonder that Angelenos are quick to cancel their plans after just a few sprinkles. No explanation is needed, other than, “It’s raining.”
3. It’s a crazy competitive city. LA is a super competitive, cut-throat town and if you’re not game enough, you’ll get chewed up and spat right back out. The sad fact of this competitiveness is that Angelenos, whether natives or transplants, have modeled their behavior after what they’ve seen or experienced in LA. It’s not shallow to copy others’ competitive behaviors here; it’s survival.
4. They know how to talk the talk. Angelenos can promise you the world when you first meet them. They can be super charming, outgoing and engaging. But when it comes time to them following through on what they’ve promised, or simply texting back, you can bet they won’t. After all, it’s the first impression that matters most, right?
5. They’re not looking to make more friends. Native Angelenos already have an established network of friends, so they’re not looking to leave their little bubble anytime soon. No matter how hard you try to make friends with them, you’re never going to break through their impenetrable bubbles.
6. They have to be seen with the “right” people. Whether it’s in the real world or Instagram world, Angelenos need to be associated and seen with the “right” kind of people, and they need to document it on every social media platform, of course.
7. They’ll always blow off your plans with them if something better comes up. Whether you cemented plans over 6 months ago with your Angeleno friends, or just last week, there’s always a 70/30 chance that they’ll cancel last minute (or just not show) if something better comes along.
8. It’s not give and take; it’s take and take. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve gone out of my way to help a stranger or a would-be Angeleno friend only to have my kindness taken advantage of. It’s kind of easy to understand now why kindness runs thin here; why give when no one ever gives back?
9. Self-promotion is everything. You may think you made a friend tonight at that Meetup get together, but just wait until they start sending you their promotional materials for their web design, real estate, or consulting business. You may not ever hear from them via text or call, but you can always count on their monthly (or even weekly) newsletter to find its way to your inbox or mailbox.
10. Texting a response back is not just optional. It’s unnecessary. No matter how thoughtful your text is (e.g., texting a friend when they’re sick, inviting them over for a homemade dinner, etc.), you can usually never expect a response back.
It’s true that you’re bound to come across some flakey behaviors when you visit or live in Los Angeles. However, that doesn’t mean you should give up hope on everyone here. Like I said earlier, there are good people in LA, you just have to look hard to find them.
And as for me, well, I guess I’m a die-hard, friend-making enthusiast.
