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What do you see when you look at yourself in the mirror?
Do you like what you see? Or do you constantly wish you could change things about yourself?
If you’re like the vast majority of people, you probably struggle in some way with your self-image and self-esteem.
You’re not alone. It’s estimated that 4 out of 5 women struggle with their self-esteem.
Why is this?
Many psychologists (including myself) would argue that much of this is caused by external influences (e.g., the media, unattainable beauty standards, etc.)
But it’s also, sadly, an internal crisis.
We beat ourselves up. We convince ourselves that we’re not pretty enough, not smart enough, not successful enough, and just simply not good enough.
The good news?
Those thoughts simply aren’t true. Self-doubts and self-criticisms are largely based on our fears, and our overwhelming tendency to hyper focus on our own perceived, often inaccurate shortcomings.
You don’t have to believe in these fears. In fact, you don’t even have to listen to them.
It all comes down to re-evaluating your self-talk, and replacing your negative inner dialogue with more positive, self-affirming talk.
So the next time you find yourself focusing on your perceived flaws and shortcomings, STOP.
Take a deep breath, and walk yourself through these 8 steps to build a healthier, more positive self-image.
8 Steps to Build a Healthier, More Positive Self-Image
1. Ask yourself: “What are the qualities I admire in others?” A simple way to start building a healthier self-image is to look at what qualities you admire in others. By looking at what you value most, you can start to embody those same values in your own life. Is it the way your best friend never seems to run out of kindness? Or how driven someone is in their career? How fit and healthy someone is when it comes to taking care of their body? Note all of these qualities and distill them down into one or two word values.
2. Find ways to align yourself with those values. When you begin to align yourself with what is most important to you, you develop a clearer, more tangible purpose for yourself, which cultivates a healthier level of self-esteem and confidence. Now that you’ve identified what you value most, find ways to align yourself with these values. If your goal is to get in better shape, sign yourself up for fitness classes, or make time to go to the gym on an every other day basis. If you value kindness, sign up to volunteer at a homeless shelter, or at a blood drive. Make these values are a part of your everyday in some way.
3. Stop focusing on your perceived shortcomings, and start focusing on your strengths. We often develop an unhealthy self-image simply because we choose to focus on harmful, negative self-talk, rather than encouraging positive self-talk. Quiet your inner critic and replace the negative criticisms with positive affirmations. Make a list of your positive qualities and strengths, and forget everything else that you see as a shortcoming or flaw. Ask your significant other or close family members what they admire most about you, and make a list of these qualities. When you hear your inner dialogue beginning to rant about your perceived shortcomings, remind yourself of these strengths and admirable qualities.
4. Set meaningful, measurable goals. When you can accomplish what you set out to do, you not only build a healthier self-image, but also greater self-esteem. If your goal was to get in shape, you could perhaps measure your progress by attaining a healthier BMI. Or if it was to volunteer more, an idea would be to set a specific number of volunteer hours to reach in a month’s time. When you reach these goals, you prove to yourself that you are more than capable of fulfilling the goals and promises you make, which will help you to see yourself in more positive, successful light.
5. Confront distorted thinking patterns. So much of the time we become prisoners of our own minds and thinking patterns, and we fail to see the actual truth of the situation. For example, you may firmly believe that you are simply destined for failure, or that you don’t deserve a rewarding, loving relationship. Confront these distorted thinking patterns by calling out your self-doubts and misgivings. You are more than capable of success and finding personal fulfillment, but you have to start believing it for yourself first.
6. Avoid comparing yourself to others. Making comparisons of ourselves to others is one of the primary ways we damage our self-image and weaken our self-esteem. Why? When we compare ourselves to others, we focus on our perceived flaws and try to gauge how we measure up against others, which ultimately sets us up for self-bashing and permanent disappointment in ourselves. It’s all too easy to compare ourselves to others, and with social media there to constantly remind us of how #blessed other people are, self-comparisons are even harder to avoid! If possible, do a social media detox. Not only will your relationships vastly improve with others, but you’ll also find that you’re less likely to compare yourself to others. If you still find yourself trying to compare you to others, look again to the less superficial qualities you see in others. So your Facebook friend took a luxurious vacation to Bali? Focus on how worldly that makes them. Maybe you’ve always wanted to go abroad too, so start planning a trip!
7. Do a negativity detox. An unhealthy self-image often results because of all the negativity in your life that goes unchecked. Negative self-talk, surrounding yourself with negative people, and negatively comparing yourself to others are all ways in which pessimism can detrimentally affect your self-image and self-esteem. Do a negativity detox in your life. Let go of all the negative aspects that continue to drag you down. As you remove these negative components in your life, you’ll realize just how easy it is to not only bolster your self-image, but also make you a more positive, optimistic individual.
8. And remember: mistakes are integral to your personal growth and learning. Let go of your need to be perfect. Humans are an inherently flawed species, so it’s futile to pursue something that is completely unattainable. Instead, look at your mistakes as valuable stepping-stones in your journey to a healthier self-image. Without mistakes, you would never learn or personally grow. Embrace your mistakes, and realize that they are integral to your own growth and learning.
