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In this day and age, making friends and connections is as easy as the click of a button-literally! How many friends do you have across your social media platforms? How many connections do you have on LinkedIn?
Chances are that you have a lot. Maybe a hundred. Or 800. Or even several thousand!
But “friends” and “connections” online don’t necessarily translate to actual friends, the kind where we have tangible, rewarding friendships with.
Making friends organically isn’t easy to do, and with so much of our lives going online, making friends in the flesh has become even more difficult.
Sure-you may have made some friends at work, or in class, or with your neighbors next door. But how do you really make new friends as an adult in your 20s and 30s, or even 40s and 50s?
Maybe you’re a shy introvert that has trouble opening up to others. Or maybe you’ve just moved to a new city and are feeling lonely. Maybe you firmly believe that you’re just not good at making new friends. Whatever the situation, the good news is that you can make friends wherever you are with just a few basic steps.
How to make (and keep) friends as an adult
1. Reconnect with your old friends. You might be hesitant to reach out to some of your older friends, but the thing about older friends is that they have something that potential new friends don’t have: history. The richest, most rewarding friendships are those that you have a history with. While not all friendships we’ve made along the way are meant to last simply because we change as we mature, think back to some friends that you’ve clicked with in the past. Have you simply lost touch? Did your lives get super busy? It could very well be worth the effort to reconnect with them.
2. Accept the invitations that come your way. Sometimes it’s just too easy to turn down social invitations, especially if it’s the end of a hectic week or if you’ve had a bad day. Resist the urge to flop on the couch and watch Netflix, and start taking people up on their invitations. The best way to make valuable connections with others is through your existing social networks. Why? When you already share similarities with a group of people, chances are that their extended network of friends will hold similar views and perspectives as well, making it easier for you to forge new relationships.
3. Find a common ground and emphasize the similarities. While meeting new people can seem a little daunting at first, try to find a common ground with whomever you meet. It could be as simple as noticing that you both are drinking the same drink, or that you both are working in the same industry. Once you’ve found a common interest with them, it becomes much easier to relax and open up.
4. But also keep an open mind. Sometimes a person at first may not appear to be friend “material.” But remember: you can’t judge a book by its cover. Keep an open mind when you meet others. You’ll be surprised by how many more friends you can make if you just give them a chance!
5. Utilize Meetup. Meetup is a fantastic way to find your tribe by simply doing what you love! You can join online, look for cool activities or your interests, and almost instantly be connected to a group of people who you share interests with.
6. Volunteer. If you’re someone that is super passionate about helping others, this is a great way to find others who also care about the same issues as you do. I actually met one of my closest friends in college this way by volunteering at an animal shelter. To this day, we’ve still kept in contact, and all because of our shared love for dogs and cats!
7. Get out regularly. Make a habit of getting out and trying new things and places. Try out the new bar down the street, or that new fitness class at your gym! When you make a habit of being social, you’ll find it’s not only easier to get out of your comfort zone, but also to meet new people.
8. Focus more on others, and less on yourself. Sometimes when we meet new people, we find ourselves rattling off our memorized elevator pitches, or trying to be the most interesting version of ourselves so that others will find us, well, interesting. Instead of trying to be interesting to others, show interest in them instead. Most people don’t mind talking about themselves, and if you show that you’re genuinely interested in them and what they do, they’ll reciprocate and take an interest in you, too.
9. Build trust through vulnerability. One of the best ways to build trust with other people is to show a little vulnerability. While you don’t have to go into the deep, dark secrets of your childhood, or divulge all the details about your recent breakup, letting your guard down just a little signals to others that they, too, can relax and open up a little, as well.
10. Keep in touch through regular check-ins. While you don’t need to bombard your new friends with text check-ins on a moment-to-moment basis, reaching out every two weeks is the ideal length of time to keep in touch and maintain a friendship. Or even better, get together with them every few weeks, or on a monthly basis.
