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Why Compatibility Matters in a Relationship
We all wish that our relationships could be as exciting and steamy as they were when they began, but true, lasting relationships aren’t designed to be this way.
What makes a relationship really last?
Psychologists (myself included) and marriage counselors will say the same thing: compatibility. Some would even argue that compatibility is actually more important than love itself!
In my opinion, compatibility is a form of love. It’s the love that emerges when the honeymoon phase dies down, and the true appreciation for each other’s flaws and strengths emerges.
It’s where we see our partner in their most raw, pure form, and that’s the person we fall in love with, time and again.
The word, “compatibility” is actually defined as a state in which two things are able to exist together without conflict.
While conflict is inevitable in a relationship, true companionship means being able to deal with conflict, and still loving that other person unconditionally, no matter what challenge is presented.
So what are the signs of compatibility in a relationship? How do you know if your relationship is “marriage material?” Below are the 10 most telling signs that you and your partner are truly compatible.
10 Signs You and Your Partner Are Truly Compatible
1. You share the same fundamental beliefs and values. Let’s face it, relationships can be rough and sooner or later, you and your partner will hit some bumps. You two will be challenged with bad days, bad news, and big decisions. But if you two align on the same core beliefs and values, every tough decision will be that much easier because you both share the same guiding principles and inner compass: a hallmark of true compatibility.
2. Whether it’s good or bad news, they’re the first person you talk to. This is one of the more noticeable signs of compatibility in a relationship. In a truly compatible relationship, both partner is each other’s biggest cheerleader and support base. So when your blood work comes back normal, or your partner finally gets that promotion, or when you have the worst day ever, you both are there for each other to cheer each other on.
3. Your partner gets you and your quirks (and even finds them cute). The most successful couples are those that understand that perfection is unattainable. Every couple that is truly compatible sees their partner’s flaws and quirks, and still loves them regardless. So whether you’re weird when it comes to eating your cereal, or if you breathe loudly through your nose, or if you wear only Disney-themed pajamas, your partner just gets you, and may even find those quirks endearing.
4. You love your time together, but you also still enjoy doing things on your own. One of the signs of compatibility in a relationship is when you and your partner truly enjoy each other’s company and always find ways to have fun together, but you also enjoy your alone time. Though you depend on each other, you still value your independence and make time to do the things that you enjoy on your own. Compatibility between partners does encompass relying on each other for support, but it also means respecting each other’s boundaries and alone time.
5. You’re completely true to yourself around them (and vice versa). We all have different version of ourselves that we juggle. At work you may appear less chatty and more serious, but at home with your partner, you’re probably more outgoing and open. You don’t pretend to be someone you’re not when you’re with your partner. You are who you are around them, and that’s the person they fell in love with.
6. You both “work” at the relationship. Each partner brings different strengths and qualities to the relationship, so how you “work” at the relationship may differ. Regardless, you both are committed to putting in the time and effort into the relationship, and you both want to see it grow and be successful. True compatibility isn’t limited to just the honeymoon phase where everything seems perfect. Compatibility is what happens when you both can work out the kinks together, and you both try equally hard.
7. You can see yourself with them for a very long time. While you and your partner may have different interests, it’s important that you still have similar life goals and that you can visualize accomplishing these goals together. Maybe you both want to travel more together, or maybe you want to start a family in a couple of years. When you can both visualize a lasting future together and you have hope for what lies ahead, it’s easier to maintain and strengthen your compatibility.
8. You have similar backgrounds. One of the key signs of compatibility in a relationship can be found simply by looking at your backgrounds. While you don’t need to have perfectly aligned upbringings and backgrounds to be compatible, it does definitely help to have some parallels. Maybe you both had several siblings, or maybe you were both raised by one parent. Maybe you both grew up as city slickers, and prefer the hustle and bustle of the city life. When we share similar backgrounds with our partner, we’re better able to more intimately understand our partner and why they think/act as they do. It also brings a level of comfort to the relationship, thus making you and your partner more compatible.
9. You always manage to patch things up after an argument. No one likes fighting with their partner, but how partners fight and how they mend things afterwards says a lot about their compatibility. If you and your partner are able to successfully move on after every argument, and you both actively try to fight in ways that are productive, then you’re already acting like a truly compatible couple.
10. Your partner inspires you to be the best version of yourself. It’s important to note here that you and your partner aren’t trying to change each other. Rather, you both inspire each other to be better versions of yourself. Maybe they’re the ones that motivate you to train harder for your 5k. Or maybe when you see them show incredible patience with others you’re inspired to be a more patient individual, too. You both know you can be better people, and you’re both willing to help each other get there.
For more reading on compatibility in relationships, check out this article.
