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Why Self-Respect Matters
We all want others to respect and appreciate us, but sometimes we’re guilty of not showing ourselves the same level of respect or appreciation that we expect from others. And often, we unknowingly disrespect ourselves not just within our own thoughts, but also in our interactions with others.
While not always immediately obvious, these little, self-disrespecting habits creep into our interactions and relationships with others, and have tremendous effects on our perceived self-worth and self-image.
When you don’t respect yourself and show little to no regard for your own well-being, you’re showing others that it’s ok for them to disrespect you, too. Humans have the uncanny ability to reflect others’ emotions and behaviors by merely interacting with them. It’s up to you to show others how you want to be treated, and the level of respect you expect from them.
Though you may not even notice these habits, it’s very possible that you’re guilty of some of these self-disrespecting behaviors. Read on to learn which self-disrespecting habits you need to break.
10 Self-Disrespecting Habits You Need to Break
1. Saying, “I’m sorry,” before you state your opinion. I’m guilty of this one, and have spouted off an “I’m sorry, but this is how I feel about…” more times than I can count. Though seemingly a harmless statement to make, you should never apologize for how you feel, especially if you’re standing up for yourself. When you preface your self-expression with an apology, you’re indicating to others that you’re apologetic for what you believe in or how you feel, which not only disrespects yourself, but also shows others how you want to be treated. You have to show people how you want to be treated, and if you show them that you don’t respect your own opinions and feelings, they’ll disrespect you, as well.
2. Comparing yourself to others. We have all negatively compared ourselves to others, and with the advent of social media, comparing ourselves to others is easier than ever! When we compare ourselves to others, however harmless it may seem, we immediately put ourselves down and diminish our own worth. She’s so much thinner than me. Their relationship is so much more romantic than mine. They have more money than I’ll ever have. These comparisons are incredibly self-destructive. If you often fall into the comparison trap, consider doing a social media detox. Not only will your relationships improve with others, but you’ll also find that it’s easier to break this self-disrespecting habit.
3. Doubting yourself. Whether you have self-doubting thoughts that you keep to yourself, or if you verbalize your doubts to others when you express your ideas and opinions, this self- disrespect is a deprecating, immobilizing force that actively keeps you from growing and reaching your full potential. Learn how to talk down self-doubt, and use your fears as a means of motivation.
4. Ignoring your own needs and wants. We all have needs and wants that we need to satisfy, but sometimes we are our own greatest obstacles. You may convince yourself that you don’t deserve that promotion, or that you don’t deserve a rewarding, loving relationship. You are worthy of all those things and more, but you have to start believing that if you truly want to start respecting yourself.
5. Openly criticizing yourself to others. Self-deprecating humor and self-criticisms, even amongst your closest friends, are open signs of self-disrespect. Though remarks like, “No one would ever want to date me because…”, or, “I’m not good enough because…” are seemingly innocuous, you instantly lower your self-worth and respect.
6. Putting others’ needs and wants before your own. In today’s day and age, an act of selflessness is rare and kindness runs thin. This doesn’t mean you should give up being a kind person, but you should never let people take advantage of your kindness or use you to get ahead. When you consistently puts others ahead of yourself in your intimate relationships, with friends, coworkers, etc., you place your own needs and wants on the back burner, which compromises you and your self-respect.
7. Not speaking up when you’re disrespected. Sometimes people say things that are offensive without realizing it, and other times they may say something with the sole intention of hurting and disrespecting you. While you should always strive to forgive them for your own self-healing, it’s not ok for someone to be disrespectful to you. If someone is saying disrespectful or offensive things to you, you have every right to tell them to stop. Simply saying, “I don’t deserve that kind of disrespectful treatment,” is sometimes all you need to say to get your point across.
8. Hiding your true emotions. When you consistently bottle up your emotions or mask your true feelings, you compromise your self-respect by not being true to who you are. It’s ok to not agree with everyone else and to have differing opinions, and you shouldn’t be ashamed to articulate how you truly feel about something. When you speak up and express yourself, you directly counteract your fears of rejection and practice self-respect.
9. Feeling guilty when you follow your own heart. We often choose to suppress our own desires and dreams because we feel guilty, convincing ourselves that we don’t deserve to be happy. Everyone deserves to be happy and to have the freedom to pursue their dreams, but not everyone does because they feel guilty for wanting more. Don’t be one of those people that holds back because of guilt. You deserve to be happy and to live your life the way you want.
10. Seeking validation from others. Seeking approval and validation from others relinquishes our freedom from making the choices we really want to make. Humans are social creatures by nature, and we crave others’ acceptance as a means of feeling included and being wanted. While this is healthy to an extent, it becomes a slippery slope when we consistently seek validation from others for what we say and do. Learn to let go of your need for acceptance and approval from others. By doing so, you’ll finally give yourself the respect you deserve and the freedom to make the choices you really want to make, without the burden of worrying about what others will think.
