Please note that this post contains affiliate links. For more information, see my disclosures here.
The Truth About Hatred
Whether we have been victims of hate, or felt hatred ourselves, all of us have been affected on some level by the effects of hatred.
Maybe you’ve felt hate towards someone that harmed you or perhaps even a close friend or family member.
Maybe you felt hate and loathing towards someone that expressed a disagreeing or disparate viewpoint from your own.
Or maybe you have been a target of hatred for simply being different, for expressing how you feel, or for acting on your beliefs.
However we experience hatred, it’s always a hard, difficult feeling to grapple with, primarily because it makes us feel both victimized and powerless.
The truth about hatred though is that it is a self-consuming, self-crippling, truth-blinding force that, if gone unchecked long enough, can have serious mental and physical health consequences.
How Hatred Affects Your Psychological Health
Here are just a few of the psychological/mental health effects of feeling hatred:
- You experience chronic mental and physical exhaustion
- You age faster
- Your chances of developing depression skyrockets
- Your anxiety and stress levels rise
- You’re more prone to developing chronic rage
- You become emotionally unstable
- Feelings of loneliness and isolation increase
As you can see, hatred is a self-punishing, destructive force that primarily affects the person that feels hatred towards someone or something.
So no matter how strongly a person may feel hate or vindictiveness towards someone, ultimately that hatred is reflected back on themselves, negatively affecting their own physical and mental health.
In spite of this, feeling hatred hardly seems like a choice when someone hurts us physically or psychologically, or when they do something terrible that causes harm to others. After all, how can you be expected to be kind towards them when they have no regard for others and continue to be so cruel?
The truth of the matter is that you don’t have to accept them, or even like them to be kind to them. Rather, show sympathy and compassion towards them and their choices. Be kind to yourself by choosing to remove the hatred that you feel towards them, and draining the negative energy from your life.
Sometimes we forget that kindness isn’t just something that we bestow upon others simply because “it’s the right thing to do.”
Showing kindness and forgiveness are beautiful, hatred-dissolving gifts that we can give to ourselves for our own mental health and well-being.
So the next time you feel hatred taking root in your mind for whatever reason, work through these 7 steps to overcome the hatred you feel, and to replace the hate with kindness and forgiveness.
7 Steps to Choose Kindness and Forgiveness Over Hatred
1. Identify what exactly is triggering your hatred. Sometimes we may feel hatred towards someone or something, and yet not know what exactly is causing our feelings of hate. The next time you encounter a situation where you feel hatred, take a few minutes to write down what you’re feeling. Write about the situation, what was said, how it made you feel, and how long you felt that way. Once you’ve identified what your exact triggers are, it becomes a whole lot easier to both understand and overcome the feelings you’re experiencing.
2. Ask yourself, “Am I really the target here? Or is this bigger than me?”. Often when someone sets us off, we may take something more personally than we should, when in reality the situation is far larger than ourselves. Perhaps you took offense to someone that said something about your religion, your school, or the industry you work in. While you’ll never be able to change their opinions, often their complaints or misgivings are directed widely at the world, and not just at you.
3. Try to understand where they’re coming from. This may be the hardest part, but it’s an effective step to take if you really want to dissolve the hatred you feel. Maybe your offender feels a certain way about their beliefs because they were once discriminated against. Or maybe they suffer from a severe mental health issue, such as depression. Whatever the reasons for their behavior, more than likely they’re living a very sad, miserable life if they’re letting emotions like hatred, anger, or spite control them and their choices. Understand that they may be trapped in a vicious cycle of hatred, and that they’re most likely struggling with it every day.
4. Show compassion and sympathy towards them and their choices. Once you’ve tried to understand where they’re coming from, it becomes much easier to soften the hatred you feel, and to start showing compassion and forgiveness. Think about how hard it must be to continually fuel such destructive, self-debilitating hatred on a daily basis. The psychological/mental health effects of hatred that I mentioned earlier are merely a shortlist. Do you really want to compromise your physical and mental health too by reflecting the hateful behaviors of others? Have sympathy for those that choose to live their life that way, and be thankful for the life that you have.
5. Practice gratitude. Often when our minds are fueled with hatred and anger, we quickly forget what’s most important in our lives, and what we should be thankful for. Do you have a wonderful family you can spend time with? A supportive spouse or significant other? A job you love? Or a group of friends that you can always count on? Look to the things that you already have that bring you joy and comfort, and remind yourself that those are the things that really matter in life.
6. Forgive, but don’t forget. It isn’t easy to forgive, but if you really want to healthfully move forward and put the feelings of hate behind you, you must forgive whomever or whatever caused you to feel this way. Choose to forgive for your own health and well-being, but don’t forget what your triggers are and what situations cause you to feel such strong emotions, such as hate. Once you forgive, you’ll find it’s much easier to move forward and replace the negative, harmful emotions with more positive, productive emotions.
7. Be kind to yourself. Feeling anger and hatred towards others is an innate human emotion, but that doesn’t mean you should run with it and let it consume your life or dictate your actions. Feelings are temporary states in our minds that we can overcome if we choose to make that choice. Show kindness towards yourself and your health by choosing compassion over anger, and love over hate. When you choose kindness and forgiveness for your own mental health and well-being, you’re not only making the choice to healthfully move on, but you’re also proving to others that you refuse to stoop to their level. In the words of Martin Luther King Jr., “Let no man pull you so low as to hate him.”
