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For many of us, learning to be alone with our adult selves is hard, and maybe even a little daunting.
It may be that we have just ended a serious relationship and now that we’re alone, we’re having second thoughts.
Or it may be that seemingly everyone, including all of your friends, are with “The One,” but you have no one.
While relationships are undoubtedly one of the most rewarding parts of the human experience, learning to be single and to be comfortable with yourself is essential to your own growth as a person.
But how do you know if need to stay single for a while? Should you really take a break and be single?
Here are 7 signs that you need to be on your own for a bit.
7 Signs You Should Stay Single For a While
1. There’s external pressure to be with someone. Whether it’s your family, your friends, or even pop culture, there’s often a lot of pressure to be attached to someone. If you’re after a relationship simply because you want to alleviate this pressure, this is a good sign you need to stay single for a while longer. Why? You shouldn’t be trying to please anyone when it comes to what you want out of life, especially in regards to your own relationship. Judging the quality of your own life based on someone else’s expectations will only lead to dissatisfaction with what you have. Take this opportunity to figure out what you truly want, and stay single for a while.
How to let go of your need for approval and acceptance from others.
2. You feel that being with anybody else is better than being single. Many of us struggle with the fear of being alone, or the feeling of being “left behind.” This means that for a lot of us, we will go to whatever lengths to ensure we don’t end up alone, whether it’s lowering our standards when it comes to dating someone else, putting up with bullsh*t in a relationship, and tolerating other antics that ultimately compromise ourselves. This is an unhealthy approach to dating because it means we will be more likely to justify abusive behaviors, to neglect our own needs, and even our own safety. Trust me, being unattached to someone else and not having any of these issues is WAY better than satisfying your need to not be alone. If any of this resonates with you, embrace being single for a while. Learn to be comfortable on your own, and identify what you want in a relationship to avoid getting into a bad one.
Why it’s ok (and not selfish) to put your own needs first.
3. You have a bit of baggage to sort through. If you’re still feeling the weight of your previous relationship, this is a good sign that you should stay single for a bit. For example, if you were cheated on by your last significant other, it may feel like every person out there will do the same to you no matter what. Take the time to sort through your baggage (aka your emotions). You need this break to feel whole again.
4. This is a critical time in your career. Yes, you can still be in a relationship and have higher goals in your career, and you should never feel like you have to sacrifice one to save the other. But sometimes, there may be periods in our careers where all of our focus is required. It may be that for the next month you’ll be traveling a lot, or that you’re starting up your own business. This may be a time where you should stay single for a while so that you can invest all your energy and effort without trying to start a new relationship. There’s no shame in pursuing your goals, and you’ve got plenty of time to find love when things slow down.
5. The stakes feel too high. If you’re always thinking that the person you just met online is “The One,” or that you’re more devastated than annoyed when any little thing goes wrong on a date, this is a good opportunity to take some time to yourself and be single. When you start to invest too much in a relationship, the stakes feel oddly high. This is not how a relationship should be, and means you just need some time to refresh your perspective on dating.
6. You just came out of a serious relationship. If you’ve just come out of a serious relationship, you may be thinking that you need to find someone fast to move on, but don’t fall for this trap. Following a break-up is when you really need the time to heal and rediscover yourself. Take this time to be single and to let yourself heal.
7. You really don’t know what you want. When it comes to life, you’re never going to know everything, and it’s ok to not have all the answers. But if you are absolutely clueless as to what your higher goals/ambitions are and you need to do a bit of soul searching, do it whilst you’re single. Otherwise, you could end up in a relationship where all the decisions are made not by you, but by your partner, which will only lead to frustration and resentment. Do yourself the favor, and take this time to be single and to get to know yourself.
