Please note that this post contains affiliate links. For more information, see my disclosures here.
In this post:
- When someone disappoints you
- How to deal with disappointment in relationships
When Someone Disappoints You
Sooner or later, the people we love the most will inevitably let us down. And the more we love them, the more it hurts.
I have a friend that has hit a few rough patches with her long-term boyfriend. She tells me that when they fight, it’s not just something that they can easily move on from because of the way they fight. More specifically, it’s how her boyfriend fights that makes it harder and harder for them to find a way to move past the unspoken damage.
“He fights dirty,” she tells me. “He knows exactly what to say to hurt me the most and cause the most damage, and time after time, I’m let down by the fact that he would stoop so low to cause so much hurt.”
To an extent, fighting is healthy in a relationship. It allows couples to get everything out on the table and can be an excellent platform for an open, honest dialogue. But when you find yourself constantly disappointed in someone that keeps letting you down and hurts you consistently, it can be very disheartening.
A lot of the time we are let down in ways that don’t involve a fight. For example, someone that promises to be there when we need them, but then never shows when our hour of need arises. Or alternatively, when someone fails to deliver on a promise time and again, and doesn’t realize how much they’ve fractured our trust in them.
Whatever the situation, it hurts to be constantly let down by someone that is close to us, especially in intimate relationships.
So how do we deal with disappointment in relationships? Especially if it continues to happen? Here a few things you should keep in mind the next time someone lets you down.
How to Deal with Disappointment in Relationships
1. Assess your expectations of them. Sometimes we’re constantly let down by others simply because we expect too much from them. If you suspect that this is the case, remind yourself that your own happiness comes from within, and that you shouldn’t rely on others to make you happy.
2. Don’t take it personally. When someone we love continues to let us down, it’s hard to not take it personally. What did I do to deserve this treatment? Why are they taking me for granted? More than likely, it’s not you, but rather a result of their own inability to follow through. And if they’re doing this to you, chances are that they’re doing it in their other relationships, too.
3. Let them know how you feel. This may seem a bit obvious when it comes to dealing with disappointment in relationships. So much of the time, people aren’t aware of just how much they’re hurting someone simply because it hasn’t been communicated. Talk to this person that is letting you down, and let them know how their behaviors make you feel. Use more “I” than “You” language so that they don’t feel attacked.
4. Accept them as they are. You can’t control whether someone lets you down or not (or any of their behaviors for that matter), but you can control how you react to them, as well as your perception of them. When someone continues to misalign their actions with their words and constantly lets you down, you have more than enough knowledge to arm yourself for the next time they disappoint you. If they’ve let you down multiple times, try to accept them for who they are. Not only will you find it easier to not take things as personally, but you won’t feel the hurt and pain you once did before.
5. Know when it’s time to move on. Sometimes it’s impossible to move on from someone simply because we’re attached for life. Maybe you have a brother or sister that has let you down time and again. Or a parent that you just can’t rely on. For reasons like this, it’s important to learn to accept them as they are, flaws and all. However, if you’re in a more romantic relationship with someone that constantly disappoints you, it’s important to determine whether they’re worth your time and effort in the long run. If you’ve sincerely tried to communicate with them and you’ve assessed your own expectations of them, you don’t have to stay in a relationship with them. You deserve to have someone you can rely on that doesn’t disappoint you.
6. Be the better person. People that let you down consistently are often that way because it’s how others treated them. While it may be tempting to give them a taste of their own medicine and let them down, don’t. Set the example worth following, and show them what it means to have integrity and follow through. Give them a chance to improve by demonstrating what’s important to you.
For more techniques on coping with disappointment, check out this article.
