17 Signs You’re In a Situationship (And What to Do About It)

Please note that this post contains affiliate links. For more information, see my disclosures here.

So, What is a Situationship, Exactly?

A situationship is an entirely noncommittal relationship, or arrangement. Essentially, this means that one or both parties can have the best of both worlds, being simultaneously both single and in a relationship.

Sounds great, right?

From my experience, not really.

The temptation of having your cake and eating it too in a situationship comes with a lot of problems.

Sure, it may work temporarily, and it can even be fun for a short time.

But eventually, a relationship that’s based completely on convenience, like a situationship, is difficult to sustain, and can feel exceptionally unfulfilling.

My situationship experience was exactly that.

I should have realized that the repeatedly last-minute text invites (“Hey, I’m in town. Wanna grab dinner?”), the lack of progression, and the overall sense of vagueness clearly spelled out that I was in a situationship. But I always gave him the benefit of the doubt, convincing myself that he was just ‘crazy busy’ with his school and work schedule.

Plus, he would always get squeamish when we came even remotely close to the topic of becoming boyfriend and girlfriend.

For a while, I thought I could handle the seemingly carefree nature of our situationship, but as time went on, I began to doubt us, and myself. I always felt like I was getting the short end of the stick. He could rely on me for anything and to always answer his calls, but the reverse was never true.

My calls went permanently unanswered, and he would take days to weeks to respond to a text from me.

I even made his favorite meal for dinner one night when he announced only two hours in advance that he was ‘in town’ for the evening, only to have him cancel via text an hour after his expected arrival time.

Then, one day out of the blue, he told me that he had recently started dating someone, and even called her his girlfriend.

I felt absolutely gutted.

But then again, we weren’t exclusive, so did I even have a right to feel so hurt?

This is why situationships are so tricky, and perhaps why some wouldn’t ever consider a situationship to be dating.

In a situationship, the lines aren’t just blurred—they don’t exist. There are no expectations, and there is no exclusivity, meaning that there are no boundaries.

Because situationships can be so foggy, it’s often difficult to discern whether you’re actually in one.

So, how do you know if you’re in a situationship? Here are 17 signs you’re in a situationship.

17 Signs You’re In a Situationship

The conversation is always shallower than a kiddie pool. Keeping things superficial is key in a situationship. You’ll notice in a situationship that things never really delve deeper than the surface. Why? Because below the surface are emotions, and exposing those emotions requires extra effort and vulnerability. Unlike relationships, which require vulnerability to build trust, situationships only operate at the surface level.
Um…what progression? All successful relationships naturally progress with major milestones along the way (e.g., becoming exclusive, meeting the family, coming up with adorable petnames, etc.). However, a situationship is stagnant. There is no meaningful growth, and there are no active steps being taken to try to encourage that growth. So if you’re feeling stuck, well, you kind of are.
There’s an overall general sense of vagueness. When it comes to a situationship, there’s a good chance you only know a little about their present-day life, so forget ever learning about their childhood, or why they still sleep with their raggedy baby blanket. Exposing one’s feelings or one’s true self takes too much time and requires an emotional investment, which defeats the purpose of a situationship.
Exclusivity hasn’t been discussed, like at all. In a situationship, it’s fairly normal for exclusivity to be absent. This means that the person you’re seeing is likely also seeing other people simultaneously. If you’re okay with that, that’s great. However, if you’re someone who prefers boundaries, such as those that come with exclusivity, you may find the nonexistent boundaries that come with situationships to be unsettling.
You don’t (or can’t) depend on them. Situationships are usually synonomous with, “No strings attached.” This means that you simply can’t rely on them to come through for even the smallest of things.
Future plans never enter the conversation. Situationships are all about the here and now, not the future. If you’ve brought up the future in any way and they dismiss it, even the not-so-distant future of tomorrow or next week, this is a telltale sign that you’re in a situationship.
Excuses, excuses, excuses. The vagueness also applies to the excuses they’ll undoubtedly use. “This week’s been crazy.” “I’m traveling for work.” With situationships, excuses are ubiquitous and having an opening for time to see you is based merely on convenience, and not an actual desire to see you and make time.
You feel like you’re on a road to nowhere with them. Ever get the sense that you’re traveling nowhere fast? That’s because a situationship is simply a stalled relationship.
You feel restless. On top of feeling like you’re stuck, you feel restless in a situationship, and it’s no wonder. Situationships thrive on ambiguity and lack of commitment, which can lead to feelings of anxiety and restlessness.
Getting together with them always happens on a last-minute basis. When you’re in a relationship, plans are normal. You may have a date night planned for this Friday, a friend’s house party next weekend, or even a trip planned for next month. With situationships though, there is no planning. Last-minute invites are the only way you spend time together.
Communication is definitely not their forte. You’re probably seeing a pattern here, but communication is definitely not a strength of theirs. And why should it be? Situationships are all about convenience, not about those silly things like effort, commitment, or communication.
There are no expectations. Expecting something from them, even consistency, could mean they’re on the hook for anything: a definite no-no in a situationship.
There are serious commitment issues. It’s not just you they can’t commit to, it’s a lot of things you’ve noticed. Perhaps they don’t like to make weekend plans to, “Keep things chill.” Or maybe they only have a large group of casual friends, and no deep friendships in their life. It could be that they consistently flake on whatever they had planned. If you’re noticing they have trouble committing to both small and large ideas or plans, it’s likely they’ll do the same to you, thus setting you up for a situationship.
Feelings? What feelings? When things are kept at such a superficial level, as they are in a situationship, the mere mention of feelings will likely make them squirm. After all, diving too deep into such things could form those icky feelings of attachment.
You’re not growing with them. If you add it all up, no feelings + no commitment + no future plans + no progression, what do you get? A severe lack of growth from either of you.
They sum up their dating life with, “I’m just having fun.” Does this comment sound familiar? Those in situationships like to make their entire romantic life sound like a day at a busy theme park, where there are no commitments, you can stay or leave whenever you want to, and there’s always room for more people.
You have serious self-doubts. When someone is consistently inconsistent, unreliable, and unwilling to show vulnerability, it’s no surprise that you’re likely to feel some self-doubting. Being with someone who shows no signs of wanting to emotionally invest in you can wreak havoc on your self-esteem, especially if you actually do care about them.

Are You Stuck in a Situationship? Here’s What You Can Do About It

If you can identify with some (or all) of these signs, you may be wondering what you should do about the present situationship.

It may be that you’re completely fine with things as they are right now. But before you totally commit to this totally noncommittal relationship, you should really do some soul searching. Are you really okay with this type of arrangement? Are you compromising yourself in any way? Or going against what you truly desire in a relationship?

If you find yourself thinking that this is something you can ‘deal with,’ think again. ‘Dealing with’ something like this usually means you’re making a concession of some sort regarding your needs and emotions. We all deserve to be loved and appreciated by someone who truly values our time and respects our wishes. Does a relationship of convenience actually satisfy those very valid needs?

If you find yourself nodding ‘Yes,’ or ‘Yes, for now,’ then it’s time you create your boundaries and make them known. Have an honest conversation where you two decide just how far, or how limited, this situationship is. Are you okay with only last-minute invitations? If not, say so. Are you open to talking about the other people they’re seeing? Are you a weekend-only hangout? Or do you wish to see them more frequently? These are the things that must be clearly outlined between the two of you.

Lastly, it’s important that you leave some room for a real relationship to transpire in your life, whether it’s with them eventually (rare, but it can happen) or with someone else. In other words, don’t make the mistake I made by investing all your time, energy, and emotion into someone that is unwilling to reciprocate.

As cliché as it sounds, don’t put all your eggs in one basket. They haven’t, so why should you?

For more tips on how to handle a situationship, check out this article.